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She laughed a little then, and for the first time all night Alejandro relaxed a little. It was good to hear. He threaded the fingers of one of his hands with hers, careful not to press against her cuts.
‘Jean-Luc is so sweet. They met at work, you know. Maman got a law degree after she left my father, and she was working nights as a clerk in Jean-Luc’s department when she spotted something about a caveat in a contract everyone else had missed. He came down to thank her personally—’
‘And tripped over his feet and could hardly get the words out?’
Lulu’s mouth rounded. ‘How did you know?’
‘I’ve seen your mother—she’s breathtakingly beautiful. The two of you are mirror images, twenty years apart.’
‘Well, yes,’ said Lulu, clearly flustered, ‘if you think so. Anyway, he started giving her lifts home from work, and then we got to meet him and he was so kind. I was a little afraid of grown men until he came into our lives. All I’d seen was the havoc they caused. He’s been a great role model for my brothers, and he looks after Maman so beautifully.’
But no mention of her. Alejandro stroked her curls again. ‘He must have had a seismic impact on your life?’
She nodded vigorously, as if the telling was shifting a great weight off her shoulders. She had such slender shoulders, thought Alejandro, hit by a tenderness he hadn’t expected, and from what she was telling him it was a considerable weight.
‘Suddenly, at fourteen, I got my own room—fit for a princess. I was sent to a good school… I could invite other girls home for the holidays. Only I didn’t.’ She licked her lips. ‘That’s when the panic attacks started.’
‘Sí, it would have been a miracle if they hadn’t.’
Her head came back and she looked at him in astonishment.
‘I have good friends on active duty in the armed forces. You’re describing PTSD, Lulu—it’s a natural reaction to trauma.’
‘That’s what I’ve been told,’ she said slowly, jolted by the realisation that he understood. It encouraged her to reveal more. ‘Routine helps me. When I know what to expect I’m better able to handle things. It’s why being in the chorus works for me—being part of that team, being surrounded by the other girls, doing the same thing night after night.’
‘How do you get up on stage?’
‘Ballet was always my refuge, but I grew too tall. My dance teacher suggested I try out as a showgirl. I wouldn’t have lasted beyond the audition stage if it hadn’t been for Gigi. She was trying out too and we sort of fell in together and I just stuck to her like glue. She got me through, and once it had become my routine I discovered all sorts of ways to make it work for me. I don’t feel like myself when I’m on stage.’ She eyed him covertly. ‘Don’t tell anyone, but sometimes I pretend to be Rita Hayworth or Miriam Hopkins and it helps.’
Alejandro had no idea who Miriam Hopkins was, but Lulu’s confession had destroyed any last remnants of his pretending he wasn’t involved.
‘I am making progress,’ she went on in stalwart fashion. ‘I have a therapist, and we’re trialling desensitisation therapy. The fact I’m even here is huge for me. When Gigi announced she was having her wedding in Scotland I saw it as my chance to make the break. I wanted to make big changes and I was willing to take risks to push my life in a different direction. That’s where you came in. At the airport.’
Alejandro was suddenly seeing that entire episode from a different angle, and his own behaviour struck at him hard. ‘How did you make that flight?’
‘With great organisation,’ she said seriously. ‘I threw up twice.’
Alejandro cursed himself under his breath.
‘That was why you wouldn’t move seats. You couldn’t.’
‘I was so embarrassed.’
‘And I was a Class A bastard to you on that trip.’
‘No,’ she said forcefully, sitting back. ‘Don’t you dare apologise. You treated me like a real person, Alejandro. Like a grown woman responsible for her own actions.’
‘You are without doubt a grown woman, Lulu.’ He plucked a piece of straw from her hair and used it as an excuse to stroke the curls out of her eyes. ‘Only a grown woman could drive me as crazy as you’ve been doing since you stumbled into my life.’
He was looking at her as if she was amazing. As if she was something special for all the right reasons.
Lulu couldn’t believe it. She wanted to cry, but then she thought of something better.
‘Maybe you could treat me like a grown woman again?’
She felt confident saying it. She liked making the first move—she’d learned that the night they’d spent together in the Scottish Highlands. It gave her a feeling of womanly power as she rose up onto her knees, watching his expression as she began unbuttoning her blouse.
He could have reminded her she’d just had a panic attack.
