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“I did. Because you’re looking really weird and I’m trying to figure out what’s going on with you. In the space of no time at all, you’ve gone from loathing the guy, asking him for help, getting into a fake engagement to him, then sleeping with him! That’s weird.”
“Not for some women,” she grumbled.
“Yeah. You’re not some women. I totally know you were a virgin when you and Jamie started out. You have that look about you.”
“What look? Do I have ‘dork’ taped to my forehead?”
Jessica snickered. “Maybe. But, if you did, it’s gone now.”
“Huh? Why?”
“Because you looked like someone who’d only ever had a certain type of sex. Now, you know there’s a difference.”
For a second, stillness overcame Samantha. Then she sucked down a sharp breath because Jessica’s words totally hit home.
“Damn, girl, are you okay? You look like you’re choking, while you’re breathing which is a technical impossibility.”
Samantha flinched. “I-I… you’re right, Jessica.”
Nodding, her friend’s plaits bobbing with the movement, she murmured, “I figured as much. Jamie was…” She sighed. “I hate to speak ill of the dead, hon, and don’t want to speak badly of him…”
When she broke off again, Samantha croaked out, “Go ahead. I’m finding all this kind of hard to process.”
Jessica nodded again. “Well, Jamie had that look about him. You know? Smug prick? Those kinds of guys aren’t that great in the sack. They’re more focused on their own pleasure, and I knew that when I saw you together. He was totally in charge, and while that’s okay sometimes, like I could tell he dominated you in a bad way. Mr. Lewis looks the same, don’t get me wrong. He’s totally Alpha, but I think that’s the difference. He’s Alpha, whereas Jamie was just domineering.”
Because she could understood where her friend was coming from, Samantha whispered, “That makes sense.”
“Yeah. I mean, it sucks that your first time with a guy was with someone like Jamie and not Josh, really. Sex shouldn’t be sufferance.”
“It wasn’t that bad with Jamie!” she defended, then had zero idea why she was defending her husband.
“No? Your walk said differently.”
Her eyes rounded. “My walk?”
“Your walk,” Jessica confirmed. “It was totally repressed. You were walking like you had a stick up your butt, and I don’t mean a good kind of stick. I mean a wooden one. With splinters. And when you were together?” She whistled. “It was even worse. You were so damn uptight. That guy… he didn’t make you happy, sweetie. I’m sorry to say it but I really, I don’t know, I guess I’ve been waiting for you to open up to me about him, your grief? But you don’t. You never have. And I think that’s because of him. He made you so repressed that you’re used to being all contained and shit, but you don’t have to be like that with me.”
“I know,” Samantha choked out. “But some things are hard to talk about. And he’s one of them.”
“Bad sex with a husband who died too young is a topic of conversation that no one likes to broach.”
“Save you,” she grumbled.
“Yeah, but that’s why you love me. Anyway, back on topic, I could tell Josh is different. Why do you think I totally crush on the dude? But still, he’s not your usual kind of guy. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“What’s my usual kind of guy?”
“I get the feeling Jamie was your idea of a bad boy and that’s probably why you fell for him?”
“Maybe.” Samantha let out a deep sigh. “Gosh, that’s so embarrassing.”
Jessica snickered a little. “Only you’d think he was a billionaire bad boy. Read much romance as a kid?”
She glowered at her friend. “Maybe.”
“Thought as much.” Jessica laughed. “Still, that part of your life is over now. I mean, I’m sorry he’s dead. Not just for you and Erin, but his parents too, of course. I just mean… like, for you? You can move on and actually live a better life.”
“What do you mean?”
