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A sob escapes her throat, and as much as I want to pull her against my chest and tell her everything is going to be okay; I wipe away her tears, urging her to go on. I know she has to get all of this out. Even if I’m not going to like the outcome, I know it needs to be said.
“I texted you. I came by your house because I wanted you to understand.”
“You wanted what I had to offer, and I know you weren’t looking for my heart, Parker. I can’t take anything less. It hurts me too much.”
Her red-rimmed eyes search mine, but I don’t see the resolution there that I expect.
“That’s not all I want from you, Jude. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I know what it feels like to be hurt, because I felt that way when I woke up alone this morning when all I wanted was—”
“Sex,” I finish for her. “You wanted me to fuck you before I left.”
She growls, literally growls at me before pulling away and running her hands over the messy bun on the top of her head.
“You can’t possibly be this stubborn, Jude. That’s not what I’m saying at all!”
“So, what?” It’s my turn to scrape my hands over my head. “You showed up today and kissed me in front of my friends, and now you’re going to tell me it’s all a bad idea. You regret—”
“Shut up!”
My jaw slams closed, and I wouldn’t be surprised to hear a knock on the door soon from one of the guys wanting to know what the hell is going on in here.
I cross my arms over my chest. I’ve gone from ecstatic at seeing her here today to wondering if ever meeting her in the first place was a good thing. I’m so knotted up over this woman.
“I knew better,” I mutter. “I knew I shouldn’t have let my heart get involved. I get that it was just physical for you, but that just isn’t going to cut it for me any longer.”
“Because I’m your first,” she says, her eyes dropping to the floor. “I’m sure that’s going to change for you. Opening my heart up to a man would be hard enough, but doing it knowing it’s not going to end well would be stupid.”
I can’t stop the hurt laugh that bubbles out of my throat. “Are you really questioning how I feel about you? Blaming the fact that I was a virgin?”
“What else then?”
“Parker,” I begin, wanting to take a step closer to her, but managing to stay back. “I want you, more than just the physical stuff. I wanted that the first time I saw you, before I showed up at your place that night. Yeah, that was all based on looks, and part of it was because the guys were taunting me about being a virgin at thirty-one, but fuck, it’s more than that now.”
“And if we hadn’t ever slept together?”
“And just spent time together?” She nods. “Then I’d probably be more in love with you than I already am.”
Her eyes widen. “Please, don’t say that if you don’t mean it.”
“I wouldn’t, and although I’ve never felt this way before, I know that’s exactly what I feel. I love you, Parker. Even though you cut me off at every turn. Even though you’ve made a habit of walking away from me instead of feeling anything for me, I love you.”
“I have feelings for you,” she says after a long silence. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”
“You... what?”
She takes a step closer, and my hands immediately go to her waist. I don’t know if I’m stopping her from getting too close or if I’m seconds away from pulling her against me. Her pretty blue eyes blink up at me.
“I want to give us a real try, but I need you to know that I’m new at this stuff, too. I’m going to make mistakes. Sometimes, I’m going to give in to the urge to run when things get tough. I’m going to need you to chase me down and make me realize that I’m being stupid.”
“I can do that,” I readily agree.
“It’s not going to be easy.”
“I don’t expect it to be.” I search her eyes, praying what she’s saying is the truth and not another form of manipulation. “I can’t be a secret.”
“I think the cat’s out of the bag, Jude. Every one of the guys out there looked completely stunned.”
“They never thought I could get the gorgeous girl.”
She chuckles. “I can’t believe you didn’t brag to them about getting me in bed.”
“It wasn’t their business, but not discussing our sex life and pretending we don’t know each other are two different things.”
“I don’t want to pretend anymore.”
“You’re sure?” I press my forehead to hers. “I want the world to know you’re mine.”
