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“Rain.” Garrick’s face might be anguished, but his voice was all be-reasonable-now tone that had Rain ready to claw at the walls. “Don’t leave angry—”
“You’d prefer a party? A nice little civilized going away get-together?”
“Is that such a terrible idea? Ending things as friends—”
“Fuck. You. You know how you like me too much to ask me to stay? Well, I like you too much to end things like that. And I definitely like me too much to settle for a few more days or weeks or something when I know damn well we could have had more if only you’d fucking ask me. Which you won’t. So yeah. Leaving.”
One boot on, one in his hand, he hopped to the front door, almost tripping on Cookie’s unicorn toy. He’d known better. He absolutely had. And he’d still had his heart broken by the nicest guy he’d ever had the privilege of knowing. Fuck it all to hell. The absolute last thing he wanted to do was cross the road, knowing full well that Garrick was watching him go, knowing that Garrick was hurting too, and knowing that this was well and truly over if he went. And still he walked.
Chapter Eighteen
“You look like shit.” Garrick’s dad had pats and head scratches for Cookie but only a skeptical look for Garrick, eyes narrowing.
He’d known that asking his dad to come by early before taking him to his neurologist appointment would likely invite questions he didn’t want to answer, but it had been two days since he’d seen Rain. Forty-eight long hours. More now. And Cookie was pining even worse than him. She alternated pouting and watching the door with sulking on her bed, ignoring his offers to toss a toy for her and plodding along when he carefully took her out on his own. Rain had done the responsible thing, texted to make sure Garrick had a plan for Cookie, but no way was Garrick calling him over on some pretext of the dog missing him too much.
So he’d sucked it up and asked his dad to come, hoping the visit and a brisker walk on a longer leash would perk her up before he had to leave her for the day. Somehow he’d gotten through work yesterday. He assumed Rain had too, since he hadn’t called in sick, but it had been Bosler on the radio his whole shift.
“Sorry,” he said to his dad. “I did shower but didn’t feel up to a shave.”
“No kidding.” His dad clipped Cookie’s longer, retractable leash on her and headed for the door. “Come on. Come along, you can tell me what’s really wrong.”
“Not sure I’m up to—”
“Yes, you are. I’ve had enough of my own company this morning, and I didn’t rush chores at my place so that you could continue whatever funk you’re in.”
“Fine.” Pulling on his gloves, he transferred to his chair and followed his dad out and down the ramp. Sparing a moment to notice the lack of Rain’s car at Shirley’s, he made it to the end of the driveway before he gave in to the urge to talk to someone. “Rain and I sort of...ended things badly.”
“Ah. I had a feeling that was what it might be. Saw him leaving across the street right as I pulled in. If it helps, he didn’t look much better than you. Same kicked dog expression.”
“Not helpful. I don’t want him suffering. That’s the last thing I want. Things are...complicated. He’s got a chance at a hotshot crew in California. You know as well as me how hard it can be to work your way up to the top crews.”
“That I do.” His dad turned the corner toward the park, setting a nice pace that had Cookie wagging at least. “And so, you’re...what? Jealous that he gets to be on the front lines? Guess I can see that, how that might be.”
“What? No.” The denial came so fast it was almost a reflex, but then he forced himself to actually think. His dad did have a way of seeing things that sometimes Garrick missed. But he didn’t like this suggestion at all. “That’s not it. I mean, do I wish I were back out there? You know that I do. Still struggling with that.”
Glancing over, his dad quirked his mouth, considering. Not saying a damn thing, but making Garrick’s brain work that much harder. Fuck it. Was he pushing Rain too hard to do this? He honestly wasn’t sure of anything at this point. He didn’t think his own unfulfilled desires were that much of a factor in him pushing for what he knew was the right thing to do. He couldn’t be the one holding Rain back. He just couldn’t.
“He’s been working all summer to get in shape to get a chance at a frontline crew,” he said at last, trying to work it out in his own head as much as to convince his dad.
