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“Wasn’t so much tragic as fucked up,” Matteo said darkly, glancing at me. “I would’ve put a bullet in the bastard’s skull if she let me.”
“Good thing she didn’t,” the Don said. “Since I want to use this marriage as a way to start peace talks with Colm.”
I felt a little stab in my chest. I couldn’t tell if it was from the word marriage, or because of the idea of peace. We’d been at war for so long and so many people had died in all the fighting that I never thought it’d be over at all, especially considering Colm always acted like the Valentino family would never make peace until we were all dead and drowned in the Schuylkill. Clearly that was a lie, and I wondered what else Colm lied about to the family just to keep his war going for as long as possible.
“I’ll be honest with you,” I said softly, looking down at my hands folded in my lap. “Colm always talked like the Valentino family would never back down. He acted like he tried to make peace more than once.”
Don Valentino laughed. “That’s not even remotely true,” he said. “We’ve barely spoken to him during all of this. Even though I keep killing his men, including a few guys in leadership, he just keeps going, keeps trying to take turf. I don’t know what he gets out of it all, but it’s time we finished this. It’s time he agreed to stay on his side of the river.”
I tapped at my knee with my fingers and chewed on my cheek. I didn’t know what Colm was thinking, dragging this war out for a long as he had. Don Valentino was right—we were losing, and so many of our guys were dead in the streets. Family and friends, all gone, and never coming back.
I hated Colm. It came on me suddenly, the same blinding hate I felt for my father. While my dad wanted to keep me under his control so he could use me for his own political gains, Colm wanted to keep control of the family and extend this war as long as he could, probably for the same reasons. He didn’t care how many people died, so long as he stayed at the head, and we kept fighting.
It was a lie, all a lie, and so many had died for one man’s desire for power.
I hated Colm, hated them all, and almost wanted to tell Don Valentino not to make peace, but to roll into West Philly and slaughter them all.
“I want that,” I said finally. “I just don’t know if it’ll happen. Colm hasn’t budged at all during all this, I don’t know what I can do.”
“You’re a symbol,” Don Valentino said. “I know how much your family cares about marriage and babies and all that shit. If you become Matteo’s wife and we tell everyone about the child, then I hope Colm will come to the table.”
“And if he doesn’t?” I glanced at Matteo. “What happens then?”
“Then nothing happens,” Matteo said. “We keep you safe. You have the baby. And then we figure out what to do from there.”
I nodded slowly. “And you’re going to guarantee my safety?” I asked, staring at the Don.
He put a hand over his chest. “Swear it,” he said. “If you haven’t noticed, my house is massive. We could all live here and never see each other. Even if Colm doesn’t give a shit about you and nothing comes of this, at least you’ll be able to stay here, away from danger. Besides, I think my wife will like having another woman around.” He laughed a little and ran a hand through his hair.
I looked at my fingers, at my nails, trying to puzzle this all together. I felt like I was trading one bad situation for another. I could be a pawn for my father and the Healy family, or I could marry Matteo and be a pawn for them. Though at least the Valentino family was promising to keep me safe.
Still, I wanted to live my own life. I didn’t want to bounce between one family and the next, constantly shuffled from one plan into another with no say about what happens to me. I wanted agency. I wanted a life and a future.
“I don’t know if I can marry him,” I said, and the words felt like pulling a rope from my throat.
Matteo didn’t move, only studied me. The Don nodded his head slowly, like he expected this.
“I understand this isn’t an easy decision,” he said. “We aren’t your people.”
“And I barely know him,” I said.
Matteo only grimaced slightly. I hated myself for pushing back against him, when all he’d done so far was save me from one bad situation after another—and yet I still couldn’t forgive him for that first night and that first lie. If it weren’t for that, none of this would’ve happened, and I never would’ve found myself deciding between my family and my own safety.
