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His fingers tightened, making her wince. “What are you saying?” he whispered.
Ilse jerked her chin up, met his eyes. His face looked gray in the half light, or was that her imagination? Tell him. Lie. No. No more pretending. “I made a trade,” she said. “Just like you did. I begged Alarik Brandt to make me his whore. I said I would do anything to hide from you.”
She closed her eyes a moment, remembering that exchange. Alarik’s eyes, glittering in the firelight. How she had deliberately shucked off her clothing. The sensation of his callused hand on her breast. Her father was leaning against the wall, shaking his head in disbelief. “No. That can’t be true.”
Stop it. You’ve done enough.
But she couldn’t stop, not until she had told him every ugly detail.
“It is true,” she said. “I lay with every man in that caravan. Six a night. Four in the mornings. Five weeks of that until I was sick and with child, but it kept me away from you. Now do you understand?”
He covered his face with both hands. “Oh, Therez. Oh, child.”
Ilse said nothing. There was nothing left to say.
Only then did she notice a shadow falling into the room. Lord Kosenmark appeared in the doorway. His glance swiftly took in Ilse and then her father. He came inside and laid a hand on Petr Zhalina’s shoulder. “Come, Maester Zhalina. You look ill. Let me escort you downstairs.”
Petr Zhalina slowly lifted his gaze to Kosenmark’s face. Only gradually did he seem to recognize who this tall, high-voiced man might be. He jerked away from Kosenmark’s touch and stumbled out the door. When he reached the edge of the foyer, however, he paused. “Your grandmother died last month,” he said without looking back. “We buried her ashes in the mountains.” Then he rushed down the stairs and was gone.
Ilse closed her eyes. Stone, I am rock and stone.
Kosenmark took hold of her elbow, laid another hand on her shoulder, and led her to her chair. He pressed her shoulder gently until she collapsed into it. Then he withdrew, but only to shut the door, for she could sense his presence as clearly as ever.
Moments later a wine cup was held to her lips. “Drink. Drink all of it.”
“Is he gone?” she asked.
“Yes. He is not here. He cannot harm you. Drink, please.”
Under his coaxing, she finished the cupful. He withdrew then. More sounds—of a fire lighting—then he was back and chafing her hands. She was cold, though the day was warm. Her stomach had squeezed into a knot. She thought she might be sick.
“No more wine,” he said. “Else that would send you to bed with a headache. And you looked quite ill when I saw you downstairs. I want a good return for my new secretary’s wages.”
He spoke lightly, teasingly. Ilse tried to laugh. A sob came out instead. She pressed a hand over her mouth to smother the next. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Sorry for what?”
“For showing you that, my lord.”
“Ah. That.” His voice was gentle. “I think I’ve shown you that, too. And you might call me Raul. We’ve earned our friendship, I think. Or if you can’t think of me as a friend, what about a sister? I sound more like one, I know.”
She gave a strangled laugh, which turned into crying, as she finally gave herself over to an outpouring of grief. Raul stayed by her side, waiting in patient silence until her weeping quieted to sobs and then exhausted silence.
“I wish I had not told him,” she said.
“So does he.” Raul paused. “Would you like me to talk with him—privately?”
She shook her head. “No. It won’t take away what I said.”
“As you wish.” He paused again. “But there is another matter. I heard what your father said about Brandt. If he does travel here regularly, you will have to take extra care when you go abroad in the city.”
A shudder went through her at the thought of Alarik Brandt. She wasn’t safe anywhere, not even in Tiralien. Brandt might decide to do more than spy on her. Or her father might petition the watch, just as he threatened. Lord Kosenmark surely would not care for the notoriety from that.
“I’ll have to leave,” she said out loud.
“Leave?” Raul said, surprised. “Why should you leave?”
“To … to save you the trouble, my lord. My father said he would summon the watch.”
