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“Hello?” Saundra answered.
“Who the hell were you talking to? I’ve been trying to reach you for two hours!” I said.
“I was on the phone with Yero, but never mind that, give me all the details.”
“Well, his mom lives in a dump surrounded by crack dealers, crack whores, and crack heads.”
“Uh-huh.”
“But she’s a real sweet woman and the food was really good.”
“What did she look like?”
“Medium height, thin, short gray hair and glasses. She is a cute older woman, but you can tell she was beautiful when she was young.”
“Did she like you?” she asked eagerly.
“Like me? She’s practically got a wedding dress ironed out! She wouldn’t stop asking when we’re getting married. I wanted to kick the hell out of her every time she said it.”
“What did you say?”
“I just grinned because I knew Randy was behind it all. His sister, now that’s a piece of work.”
“Was she pretty?”
I immediately burst out laughing and pardoned my sister for her sin.
“I have to spell out what she looked like: S-L-O-T-H.”
Saundra laughed out loud. “Damn, you’re so mean. I bet she was a little chubby and you just took it there.”
“No. She was a sow and her hair had so much gel and grease in it, it had the consistency of papier-mâché.’ ”
“Oh, no! She had a ghetto do?”
“It was ghetto before the blonde dye and sparkles; now it’s alive.”
“Please stop, you’re hurting me.” She laughed, sounding like she was in pain.
“But that’s not it, she has a daughter named Alize.”
“Alize? As in the liquor Alize?”
“Yup.”
“Did she have a reason for doing that to her child?”
She said she’s always liked the finer things in life and she wanted her daughter to have a French name.”
“I’m really sorry to hear that; it’s so ridiculous” Saundra said. “Is she a nice kid?”
“I guess so. Every time I tried to talk to her, she was shoving a piece of ham in her mouth.”
“Gross.”
“But that’s not the exclusive. Randy’s sister told me that he had a fiancée who died three years ago in a car crash.”
“Mmm. That’s deep,” Saundra remarked. “How long were they going together?”
