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Love you.
A knock sounded on the door, interrupting his confession. He didn’t know if he was more frustrated or relieved.
Removing his hands from her shoulders, he breathed deep. “That’s room service.”
“Go get it then.” She sounded as if she choked back a sob.
“Tessa.” He gripped her by one shoulder and turned her to face him. Her eyes were damp, tears clung to her lashes and the apples of her cheeks were rosy. “Don’t cry.”
“You confuse me so much.” She went to him, pressed her face against his chest and he wrapped his arms around her, relief coursing through him at finally having her in his arms where she belonged. “I’m afraid.”
“Of what?” He wanted to strip the robe away from her, touch her naked, soft skin.
“Of you.”
His heart cracked. He deserved her fear. But it still hurt.
“Room service,” called a heavily accented male voice, followed by several rapid fire knocks.
“I must go answer the door.” He withdrew her from him reluctantly. “We’ll talk more after we eat.”
She sniffed and shook her head. “I don’t think there’s anything left to say.”
“Oh, there’s plenty to say.” He drank her in, his entire body tight with need. “Trust me.”
Nerves danced in Tessa’s stomach, making it difficult to eat despite the stern look and commands Alex gave her. The food smelled delicious but she had to force each and every bite past her lips.
She still couldn’t believe he wanted her back. Did he merely see her as a possession he lost and needed to reclaim? Was this all related to the revelation of Charlotte and was he using her to get to their baby? Or did he truly have feelings for her?
Lord help her, she didn’t know.
He sat across from her, still in his button up shirt though the tie was long gone, the first couple of buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up. Revealing those strong, tanned forearms that felt so good when wrapped around her. She’d changed into a loose sweater and soft pants, had felt too vulnerable in the robe with nothing on underneath. He’d caught her off guard when she’d exited the bathroom, seeing him stand there looking down at Charlotte sleeping. The expression on his face had been so raw, so full of confusing emotion.
It had touched her deep. Even when she didn’t want it to.
“Is she a good baby?”
His question startled her from her thoughts and she set her fork on the edge of her plate. “She is, though she doesn’t sleep through the night yet. She’s still young so…”
“And she’s a—,” he cleared his throat, “—a good eater?”
“Definitely.” Charlotte was a greedy little thing but it felt too intimate, sharing that. The way he looked at her when he discovered her breastfeeding the baby.
It still left her quivery and nervous. The heat in his gaze, the expression on his face, he’d looked at her as if he still desired her.
Could it be true?
“Was the pregnancy easy?”
“It was fine.” She paused and took a deep breath. “Look, are you trying to make yourself feel better for not being there? The pregnancy wasn’t traumatic. I had the usual symptoms. The birth was long but normal. The baby is good though she’s not perfect. No one is. You of all people should know this,” she snapped.
He blinked, rearing back and she immediately felt contrite. “I’m genuinely curious, Tessa. That’s all.”
“I’m sorry.” She grabbed the glass of water near her plate and gulped it down, the ice cold liquid a shock as it slid down her throat. “I can’t do this. I don’t know how to act around you.”
She pushed away from the tiny table and stood, turning toward the bedroom that was hers for the night. First thing in the morning she would leave and take Charlotte back to her flat. She had to work, though at least the store didn’t open till eleven. After work she would call Alex and discuss with him some sort of visitation schedule for Charlotte.
It wouldn’t work, pretending they could have some sort of false relationship for the good of the child. Despite everything, she still loved him too much. It would be too hard to pretend she didn’t care. Too difficult to carry on with her life acting like everything was fine while she stood by Alex’s side, knowing he didn’t care, he didn’t love her.
When he made the offer to bring her and Charlotte back to New York, he never once mentioned marriage. Which meant he didn’t want to marry her.
And probably never would.
Tears streaking down her face, she rushed toward the bedroom, saw the bassinet rustling with movement. She went to it and peeked down at Charlotte who greeted her with a kick and a faint but gummy smile. “Hello, sweetheart.” Picking her up, she held her above her head, trying her hardest to smile when all she wanted to do was break down and cry.
Alex was magically there by her side, one large hand resting on her shoulder. His touch felt so good, she wanted nothing more but to turn into him and beg him to hold her.
Forever.
“Let me take her.”
“You’ve never held her.”
“I know.” His voice was low and full of regret. “Let me take her for you, Tessa. Let me ease your burden.”
“She’s not a burden.” She clutched Charlotte close and the baby squirmed to be free. “Never.”
“Then let me share your burden. Our burden.” She glanced up to find him watching her, his eyes full of fire. “Please. I’d like the chance—the privilege to hold my daughter.”
Tessa couldn’t resist. She handed the baby over and he held her awkwardly, his big hand wrapped around the back of Charlotte’s head, the length of her body supported by his forearm. He held her like a football and gazed into her face, a faint smile curving his lips.
“Hello, princess,” he murmured, his voice light, unlike anything she’d ever heard before. “Did you have a good nap?”
Charlotte stared up at him, seemingly mesmerized by the sound of Alex’s voice, the sight of his face. Not that Tessa couldn’t relate, they were both complete goners for the man.
She couldn’t deny it any longer, no matter how much she tried.
“You’re so pretty. Just like your mother.”
Tessa wiped the tears from her face, rubbed them out of her eyes with a discreet sniff. It was lovely, watching this big, capable man looking as if he’d fall down to his knees for her baby. His baby.
Their baby.
Charlotte cooed and shot out an arm, her little fist curled tight. Alex settled on the edge of the bed and bent down so his lips brushed her flexing hand. “She’s gorgeous, Tessa,” he whispered.
Her heart broke. Literally cracked open so that all the messy emotion she’d been holding in spilled out all over the place. She collapsed on the bed, closer to the abundance of pillows and buried her face into them sobbing.
“Hey, hey.” He came to her, rested his hand on her back briefly before he started to rub it. “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t pretend. I can’t go back to New York and act like everything’s fine between us.”
“It’s not?”
Men could be so dense. “Of course, it’s not.” She kept her face pressed against the pillows, her tears saturating the fabric. “You want to go on living your life and doing what you do while I sit in your giant penthouse apartment with our baby and act like we’re something that we’re not. I won’t do it, Alex. I’ll allow you visitation, it’s your right of course, but I’m staying here in London. I can’t do this to myself or to the baby.”
“What do you think I want from you?” he asked incredulously.
She lifted her head and turned on him, anger flowing freely through her veins, vibrating just beneath her skin. “You want everything. You want me to be some sort of—kept woman taking care of your baby while you go on with your life. Well, that doesn’t’ sound like much of a life for me.”
“Tessa.” He gripped her shoulder with one hand, his other arm now holding Charlotte tucked against his side. She looked perfectly content snuggled next to her daddy. “You misunderstood. I never said that. I want you to come back to New York as my wife. We’ll be married as soon as we get back. We’ll add my name to Charlotte’s birth certificate. We’ll make it all legal.”
“Legal? Is that all you think this is? Some sort of formal proposal we make legitimate for the sake of appearances?”
“No.” He shook his head, frustration written all over his handsome face. “I want to make it legal because I want to declare to the world that you’re my wife and Charlotte is my daughter. I want everyone to know just how much the two of you mean to me.” Pausing, he looked down at Charlotte for a brief moment before he returned his gaze to Tessa. “I want everyone to know how much I need the both of you in my life. How much I love you.”
Chapter Nineteen
Tessa’s entire body froze with shock at his words.
I want everyone to know how much I need the both of you in my life. How much I love you.
“You don’t mean it,” she finally blurted when she couldn’t think of anything else better to say.
