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My mind flickered back to awkward hands, uncertain kisses and the feeling of being ripped in two, trying to hold back tears, feeling exceptionally disappointed. I poured the water into my teacup, walking back to the living room so I could sit on the sofa.
In that time, Jay hadn’t spoken. He hadn’t hung up the phone either. He just waited.
“I’ve never had better sex than I’ve had with you,” I blurted. “No one’s made me feel more like a woman in all of the best ways. I don’t feel broken or inadequate when I’m with you.”
I hadn’t meant to say all that, obviously. Although it had not been explicitly laid out in the rules of our arrangement, I knew that talking about emotions, about any kind of feelings, was forbidden. Knew it was a recipe for danger.
Anxiety crept over me the longer silence roared through the phone. So much so that Voldemort came to sit on my lap, something he’d never done in recorded history.
I patted him absently, still holding my phone to my ear.
“Stella, no woman has ever made me feel more like a man than you. No one has made me feel more broken.”
And then he hung up.
I’m sure I would’ve sat there for hours, ruminating on his words, trying to dissect them, if it wasn’t for Voldemort getting sick of the affection he was being show and biting me rather hard on the hand.
The pain was welcome. Something to remind me what awaited me in the future.
CHAPTER TWELVE
“I want you to know that you’ll be punished for this weekend.”
It was the first thing Jay had said since I’d gotten in the back of the black SUV that was taking us to the airport. I’d sent him my flight details then left it up to him to figure out how to get a flight at such short notice so close to the holiday. I shouldn’t have been surprised that Jay managed to arrange it. Or whoever Jay used to facilitate such things. I pictured some woman wearing a tailored dress in a tight bun sitting in a fancy office somewhere, organizing Jay’s life. I’d never seen or heard of such woman, of course, but I was smart enough to understand that Jay’s life did not function this way without a woman in the works somewhere. I already knew about Felicity but had yet to see her in the flesh. I knew she was an exceptional cook and was pretty fucking great at making herself invisible.
My entire body tingled at his words, fear at my throat, excited arousal swirling much lower.
“For doing what this weekend?” I asked, jutting my chin up in defiance. Partly because I hadn’t done anything to be punished for, but also because I knew my punishment would be that much worse if I acted like this. I’d learned a lot these past few months, and it turned out, I loved being punished by Jay.
It wasn’t whips and chains that I craved. It was being tied to the bed while he feasted on me, stopping moments before my orgasm and then moving up the bed to fuck my mouth.
It was him using the cane on me.
Him refusing to use the cane on me until I got on my knees and begged.
It was him toying with every single one of my emotions, toying with my heart like he was a cat and I was a ball of yarn.
Jay’s expression didn’t change upon hearing my question, it never did. But the energy radiating off him did. I pressed my thighs together.
“For making me come this weekend. For forcing me to stay at your father’s home where I cannot fuck you the way I want. The way you need.” His voice was velvet, but his stare was granite.
I swallowed roughly, my body crying out for him. “Why can’t you fuck me the way you want?” I asked, voice thick with desire.
Jay regarded me. “Because we are going to be under your father’s roof. Because of the way I intend on making you scream. And even if I could gag you, to quiet those screams, I would not disrespect him in that way. I may not have honor, but I have respect for the man who raised you. Therefore, I will be sleeping next to you, will be able to smell you, feel you, but I will not be able to fuck you. That infuriates me. So be prepared for your punishment next weekend. It will be lengthy, and it will be extensive.”
Holy. Fuck.
I had definitely been prepared to go on another independent woman tirade on the whole ‘making him come’ this weekend when I’d actually been extremely against it. But I lost any and all words I might’ve used in said tirade, so I just stared at him. Then I smiled.
