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“Is he still alive?”
“Oh, yes, but there has been no change. Both Silvia and Vanessa are with him in ICU. They probably don’t allow phones in there.” He clears his throat nervously. “The police found a suicide note. It doesn’t look good.” His voice trails off.
“A suicide note?” What the fuck Tyler? I think back to how erratic he was acting following Dad’s death. What the hell has he done? “Okay, well I’m on my way to the hospital, so if you hear from Mom, just let her know.”
“He’s in room 311,” Charles says obviously struggling to keep his emotions in check.
I have to fight back the tears as I hang up and shove my phone back into my pocket. My mind rewinds to when we were kids and how we had been each other’s best friends up until the time when he went off to school in upstate New York. It’s hard to believe how fucked up everything got after that. It’s as if we both continued to find new reasons to hate each other. Now I’m going to lose him, too. I drop my face into my hands and hot tears stream through my fingers, dropping to the floor. This can’t be right. There has to be something that we don’t know. Tyler was messed up, but he certainly didn’t seem suicidal.
~~~
“How’s he doing?” I ask Mom when I run into her in the hallway outside of Tyler’s room.
“Oh, Trey,” she weeps, taking me in her arms and squeezing tight. “I’m so sorry I didn’t take his addiction more seriously.”
“So he intentionally overdosed?” I ask. “Charles said something about a suicide note.”
“They found hydrocodone and all kinds of weird drugs in his system, along with over five hundred milligrams of something called pentobarbital. The doctor said it’s rarely prescribed to humans anymore. Vets use it for euthanizing animals.” She bursts into tears once again.
“Where would he get something like that?” I ask, still unable to fathom why Tyler would intentionally try to kill himself.
“I have no idea, but apparently some people use it for insomnia and Vanessa said he’s been having a lot of trouble sleeping,” she relays, shaking her head in utter sorrow.
Punching pentobarbital into Google, I see that it can be used for anesthesia and extreme cases of insomnia, as well as putting down animals. The maximum dose is listed at one hundred milligrams for adults. “If he took five hundred milligrams of this stuff along with pain killers, he’s lucky they found him. He definitely would have died.” I shake my head and give Mom a kiss on the forehead. “Go get some rest, I’ll sit with him for a while.”
“Vanessa is in there too,” she says, before turning and beginning to wander down the corridor.
I pause, close my eyes and take a deep breath prior to entering Tyler’s room. Who am I trying to kid? I pull a Xanax out of my pocket and pop it into my mouth. I knew I should’ve taken one on the way to the hospital. I have always hated hospitals and between seeing Tyler in a coma and having to deal with Vanessa, my anxiety levels are off the charts. I draw one last deep breath before entering the room.
Mandy
When the pilot says, “Prepare for landing.” I begin to prepare myself mentally for seeing my parents. It has been a long time and I’m not sure whether it will be harder to see Mom or Dad. I’m not even sure that I can look Dad in the eye without having my expression give away my thoughts.
“Hello Darling,” he says coming to meet me on the tarmac. “When was the last time you were home?”
“Hi Daddy. Last Christmas, I guess. I’ve been pretty busy with everything.” I reach out and give him a hug. “How is Mom doing?”
“She’s doing better today. She perked up quite a bit after I told her you were coming home for a visit. She’s looking forward to spending some time with you.” He grabs my bags and we head toward his pickup truck. He has driven the same old blue and white Chevy truck ever since we moved to Tennessee.
“I can’t believe this thing still runs,” I comment, jumping up into the passenger side.
“Oh shit, she’s barely broken in,” he says with a grin. “It’s only got a quarter million miles on it, so she’s got lots of life left.”
With a quarter-million miles, he could have driven coast to coast a hundred times but nearly all those miles are within fifty miles of home. I gaze out the window taking in the beautiful Tennessee countryside. Everything moves at a completely different pace out here. We cross over an old bridge that reminds me of the creek where Mom and I used to go. I hope she’s strong enough to go for a ride, because I would love to take her there again.
