AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I believed it. I really, finally, honestly believed it.
I sank to the floor and I cried.
But they weren’t tears of grief or sadness, I guess it was more of an exorcism. I released all the bad that was just hanging out in my skull, ready to infect me with doubt at a moment’s notice.
The crying would make my face puffy, but I didn’t care. I let the emotion roll through me, over me, until I could look at myself again.
When I could finally finish dressing, my fingers were clumsy on the buttons. They didn’t feel like my fingers because they were so light, like hollow wood. I hadn’t realized how much everything had weighed me down, not just my heart, my everything. Knots unraveled in my shoulders, it was easy to hold my head high, my back straight. I wasn’t worried about sucking in my belly, or shrinking into the smallest space possible.
After fixing my hair, my makeup and stockings, I looked in the mirror again.
“Hello, you.” I said out loud, then satisfied with myself, I drove to the ceremony.
I expected to feel uncomfortable, on display, but I didn’t. Not even when there wasn’t anywhere for me to sit. I stood in the back and watched Brant get his degree.
Our eyes met, and he nodded to me from the stage and I smiled.
It was so strange how fast life could change. I thought about where I’d been a month ago and where I was now. It was like a different universe.
I wandered from the auditorium to the banquet hall and waited. I debated leaving before we had a chance to talk. Even though he invited me, he hadn’t made any other contact.
But he deserved to know how he changed me—how he helped me change myself.
The graduates milled in with their families, but Brant wasn’t with anyone. Only himself. He beelined for me.
“Thank you so much for coming.” It could have been any nicety uttered from any tongue that afternoon, but it sounded like a benediction coming from Brant. He pulled me into a quick hug, just long enough to smell his cologne and remember how good his arms felt.
Suddenly, I was so glad I’d decided to be brave. “Of course. I know how hard you’ve worked for this. You should be so proud of yourself.”
“I am.” He nodded. “I didn’t think you’d be here.”
“Why not? You asked me to.”
He shrugged and looked away. “I quit the club.”
“Rosa just told me.”
“It served its purpose.”
A lot like he and Kieran had. They’d been catalysts of sorts—both of them. “I really wanted to tell you something.”
“Yeah?” He looked up, his expression unreadable.
“First, I’m proud of you for chasing your dreams. I think it’s amazing that you did this all on your own, no matter what it took. Second, I wanted to tell you that you changed me. In a good way. You didn’t just tell me I was a certain thing, you showed me. I don’t know if I can ever thank you for that.”
He was silent for a long time. When he finally spoke, he said, “How did the launch go?”
“It was…surreal. I sold out in a half an hour.”
The unreadable, solemn expression bloomed into a smile. “That’s great, Claire. I never doubted your success for a second.” Silence reigned again, an icy queen. “How’s Kieran?”
I bit my lip. “I don’t know.”
“That bastard.”
“No, it’s okay. Really. We talked about it.” If you could call what happened talking about it. “And we realized it wasn’t going to work. I mean, we hadn’t even had one day as a couple before he was fucking someone else. Kieran and I, we’re all ashes and dust.”
“Surely the friendship is worth saving.”
“He didn’t want to.”
“I’m sorry. This is my fault. It just… I thought you needed to get him out of your system. Or he had to get you out of his.”
“Yeah, well, I guess we both did with no half measures.” I sighed. “But we don’t have to talk about Kieran. I’m here to celebrate your day. To be your friend the way you were mine. You deserve that.”
He had gone quiet again.
“Hey, you know, what happened? I hope you’re not sorry for that. It was painful, but it was a useful kind of pain. You might even say transformative. I’m not sorry it happened. I mean, part of me wishes that I hadn’t said yes to Kieran joining us, but then I’d have wondered. I’d have kept doubting myself.”
“Now you don’t doubt yourself?” he asked, sounding curious.
“Of course I do.” I laughed. “But the difference is that when I talk myself through it, I believe what I say.” I shrugged.
