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“What was that?” April asked when he’d gone.
The lights came down and a waiter brought us more drinks, and presented April with a birthday tiara which she allowed him to affix on her head.
“I promised Kieran I’d give Brant a chance.”
“Well, look at you. I guess you do find the good ones on your own. I still can’t believe Gavin said that to you. I swear, he’s never been that kind of douche in all the years I’ve known him.”
“He tried to make it up to me. I mean, he’s here. Don’t hold it against him.” I remembered my earlier conversation with Kieran again. “He can’t help who he’s attracted to or not. No one can.”
“Yeah, but it’s not like you’re one of those girls. You know who I mean. The kind who doesn’t take care of themselves. You’re pretty, smart, witty, kind… and your boobs… girl, I kind of hate you for them.”
I’d always thought that was my one saving grace. My giant breasts. I was lucky because even if I somehow managed to lose the weight, I’d still have boobs. It wasn’t like they were just another roll I’d stuffed into a bra. They were shapely, bouncy, and I had magnificent cleavage.
As to losing the weight, I’d tried. I still tried. I did yoga, cardio, and weight training. I watched what I ate, counted calories… But having endocrine and autoimmune issues, I’d just kind of given up that my body would ever look the way I wanted.
At least I had my breasts. And if a woman who looked like April was jealous of them, well, that was saying something. She was traditionally beautiful. If I had to describe her using an actress, I’d say Kate Beckinsale. Who can compete with that? The bitch of it was, she was nice too. April was the whole package.
I tried to remind myself that I was the whole package too. I really hated feeling this way. I needed to go home and reread some Militant Baker blog posts. My favorite one was about the things no one tells fat girls. It always made me feel better after reading it. It had become a kind of mantra.
“Are you doing that thing in your head again?” April asked me.
“No.” I turned to look at her. “Yes.” She knew me too well. It was why she was one of my best friends.
“Stop it.”
“I know.” I shrugged. “Consider me done with it. I’m fabulous. You’re fabulous. It’s your birthday and you have a date with Finn McCool.”
“I do, don’t I?” April exhaled heavily. “Am I crazy?”
“No.” Actually, I admired her. She saw something she wanted and she reached out and took it. I wished I was that kind of woman. “You’re a total badass.”
“But I’m really not sure how I’ll ever look Gavin in the face again. This is either going to be really awful or really good.”
“Just think of it as blackmail material.”
“Who are we blackmailing?” Hollie piped up as she scooted closer to us.
“Gavin Woodlawn,” April answered.
“Oh, really? I’d love to get a bite of him.”
“He’s here for Claire,” April said.
“Well, who isn’t? Claire gets everyone.”
I turned my head sharply. “What do you mean?”
“You live with Kieran, Brant wants to go out with you and now Gavin is here just to hang out with you. You need to share some of that booty with the rest of us.”
“You want half?” I sat straight up in my seat and nodded to my backside.
“I’ve got plenty of that booty myself. You know I meant your harem of beefcake.”
“Brant just asked me on one date, Gavin is here to make up for something crappy he said, and Kieran and I are just friends.”
“Please,” Hollie said, holding up her hand. “You can’t tell me that you haven’t thought about just stumbling into the shower while Kieran’s in there. Oops, sorry, I didn’t know you were in here and oh look, we’re both naked.” Then she pantomimed thrusting with her hips.
“It looks like there’s more of a show down here at table three than anything on stage. How about it, pretty lady? Want to try your hand or your hips on stage tonight?” the MC said and shined a light on our table.
Hollie wasn’t about to be outdone. “Hell yeah. I owe this birthday girl a lap dance!” She motioned to April and shimmied to rub her boobs against the back of her head.
“I think that’s something we’d all like to see. But for now, how about all the hens get ready to watch the cocks strut the yard?”
A cheer went up and the spotlight was back on the stage as the curtain slowly revealed our entertainment for the evening.
