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How long had he been standing there?
I was frozen in place, bile rising in my throat.
“Do you want him to come in?” Brant asked softly.
“Please don’t toy with me.” That’s all this could be, some kind of fucked up bet. Something for them to laugh about later. Only, I knew Keiran wouldn’t do that to me, and Brant had been so kind, so…perfect.
“Look at me.”
I raised my chin to look into his eyes and I didn’t need him to say anything else. I could see his sincerity, his lust.
So I nodded. God help me, I nodded.
The door creaked open wider and I couldn’t look at him, couldn’t face Kieran. This still wasn’t real to me. Not even when another set of hands stroked down my spine and grabbed my hips.
Not even when they worked between my legs.
I focused on Brant, on taking him higher. I couldn’t think about Kieran, that it was his hands touching me, pushing inside of me. That he was here, with us. But Brant wouldn’t let me get away with that.
He stopped me and lifted my chin. I knew what he wanted me to do without him saying a word. He wanted me to turn, acknowledge Kieran. Touch him. Let him touch me.
He wanted to watch us.
It seemed a little twisted—not that he wanted to watch me with another man, but that it was a man I had feelings for. A man he knew I was in love with.
I turned to face Kieran, and seeing him drove this all home for me. This was actually happening.
This wasn’t anything like how I’d imagined being with Kieran. There was no drunken revelry that had brought us here, no accidental touching, or unintended intimacies. There hadn’t even been some friendly cuddling that had morphed into a passionate makeout session.
He was here to fuck me. Not to love me, not to solidify any bond—it was pure fucking. He didn’t wait for me to peel his clothes off, he was already naked. Only I didn’t know if he was Kieran or Finn McCool.
In the moment, I didn’t care.
I could have him.
I swallowed hard and reached out to push that lock of hair away from his forehead. His lashes fluttered down as his eyes closed and he leaned into the caress. But it was like that shattered some wall because when his eyes opened, he jerked me against him hard and kissed me like it was my punishment rather than my reward.
He was so big everywhere. His hands, his shoulders, the sheer breadth of him. Kieran made me feel small, delicate.
He still tasted of sweet mints, but I didn’t care. He wasn’t with April, he was here with me. It was my body he touched, my thigh his erection was pressed against. Me. He wanted me.
Elation soared on wax wings, but I couldn’t let myself think anymore. If I did, in two minutes, I’d run from the room embarrassed and ashamed. Ashamed at what I wanted, ashamed knowing they’d both seen me naked when I didn’t even want to see myself naked… so much bullshit wrapped up in a ragged little ribbon.
I wanted to be done with that.
I wanted to be this version of me. The version that took people at their word, the version that thought she deserved to be treated well, that found beauty in her own body and could believe that others did too.
He picked me up easily and perched me on the bed and that’s when Brant took over. I could tell that they had done this with other women before. I thought that would make me jealous, but it didn’t. I liked that it wasn’t awkward, or—I’d always imagined that in a threesome that choreography would be difficult. It’d be like blocking a play or shooting a porno. Not that I’d ever done a porno—obviously.
Brant shifted me to his lap into a position like reverse cowgirl, only his thighs were spread wide. I thought for a moment I’d fall, but Kieran took my hands so I could balance myself against his shoulders.
I shifted against Brant and the burn inside me flared—I rolled my hips until he was inside me. Brant’s hands were on my breasts, Kieran’s on my hips. He moved me, guided me, then he kissed me again.
“How many times can we make you come, Claire?” Kieran whispered against my mouth and moved his fingers to my clit, all the while, Brant was still thrusting up into me.
“Try and find out.” I couldn’t believe that was me. I sounded like some sex goddess. In all honesty, this all still seemed so unreal.
“I think that’s a challenge,” Brant said. He picked me up as easily as Kieran had and moved me until I was flat on my back and he loomed over me. Kieran pulled me close to the edge of the bed and hooked my legs over his shoulders.
“Aye, it is.” His accent was thick now and I shivered. “So it does work on you, lass? Want to see what else I can do with my tongue?” He dipped his head.
The logical part of my brain assumed I was dead and this was heaven and it was the dreamer that told me this could happen to me. This was my life. I was done being a passive ghost in my own fantasy.
