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It was as though time had stopped. Pearl was frozen in place, and for a moment he wondered if he could take the words back. Maybe by some miracle they hadn't reached her ears yet. But then green light blossomed at her chest, and Corvus found himself picked up and thrown out of her flat by sheer, rageful magic. It was raw and uncontrolled in a way he had never seen from Pearl. Hitting the wall across from her front door, the wind was knocked out of him, and he heard the door slam as he attempted to collect himself. Numb, he stood up and transported himself straight to his room at home where he fell into bed and stared at the ceiling replaying the conversation over and over and over again in his head until one of the housemaids knocked gently on the door.

“Master Corvus, Madame Winterbourne asked for me to inform you that your dinner is getting cold.”

Muscle memory alone must have gotten him there, for Corvus had no memory of getting out of bed and walking downstairs. Eating his dinner listlessly, Corvus finally realized his father was speaking to him. “Son, did you take care of your little problem?”

“If you mean did I end things with Pearl, then yes…I did.” The words felt like sandpaper in his mouth, but he managed to choke them out. Maybe now he could ease out from under some of the grief weighing him down. The hardest part was over, and now his father would actually be proud of him for once.

But his father only scoffed. “I’m disappointed I even had to tell you to do so. I’ll expect better from you in the future.”

Corvus’ chair scraped horribly against the wood floors as he stood abruptly. He knew his mother would be wincing, but his head was pounding, and he couldn’t bring himself to care if he had scratched wood that had been imported from Cyprus in the 1400s. He only had eyes for his father. Corvus knew he had no control over his facial expressions, that his anger was shining through with perfect clarity, and he allowed himself to indulge in imagining what it would be like to punch his father in the face. Maybe the Winterbourne signet ring would leave a mark on his aristocratic cheek. But Rupert showed little reaction to Corvus’ outburst, he only sneered at his son. “Don’t tell me you really had feelings for her? I thought all that love nonsense was an act, but you really did fall for her didn’t you? And just when I thought you couldn’t be any more of a disappointment.” The anger drained from Corvus like water through a sieve, and all that was left was the sorrow he had been avoiding since he had uttered his first words to Pearl that day. Any hopes he’d had of developing a relationship with his father were destroyed, and he’d never felt like a bigger fool in his life for believing anything would ever change. Striding out of the room with only the barest threads of his dignity left, Corvus managed to transport himself to the flat he shared with Fred before the sobs began to wrack his body. He couldn’t bear one more moment in his parents’ home. As much as his father thought he was a disappointment, it couldn’t hold a candle to what a disappointment Corvus was to himself.

Chapter fifteen

Present - May

Ever since she’d seen Corvus’ memory and their subsequent conversation, Pearl could tell he was making strides to be more authentic with her. He’d stop himself from saying something and then haltingly restart again. It was endearing, and she knew she should be shooing him out of the library so she could work. He was entirely too distracting with his dimples and the way he made her laugh and the conversations they’d have about things that lit her fire. Sometimes he’d smile at her, and it would take her breath away. The other day he rolled up his shirtsleeves while they were working, and she almost lost her mind. But she didn’t ask him to leave because, heaven help her, she wanted him there. Corvus had to know he was slowing down her work, but he was the one paying her, so she decided it was his right to distract her if he chose.

He’d started taking naps about midday. Tiredness seemed to dog his steps all the time lately, and he’d just wave his hand and say work was busy. Considering how much time he was spending in the library with her, it didn’t surprise her. One day when Corvus looked like he was about to drop, Pearl waved him over to the comfiest couch in the library and insisted he take a nap. Mercutio had started to curl up with him, and seeing them nap together just about made her heart burst out of her chest.

The next time she looked up, the sun was slipping below the horizon. She was trying to break the habit of getting too caught up in her work, but she’d been working on a fascinating book that had a curse that she wasn’t familiar with. When she’d figured it out, she’d looked over at Corvus and Mercutio with an excited flourish and saw that they were both still asleep. Placing a gentle hand on Corvus’ arm, it took him a second to wake up, and as he did, she took a moment to admire how peaceful he looked even if there were dark circles under his eyes in spite of his attempts to catch up on sleep.

Later, when she tried to figure out why she made her next decision, she’d try to rationalize that she was tired and slaphappy and not at her best for making good decisions, but the truth was that she’d wanted to. That the sweet, sleepy smile on his face and his nap tousled hair and her familiar curled in his arms drew her in, and she kissed him gently on the cheek.

Mercutio yawned as he stretched and jumped down to go explore around the library, but all of the languor of sleep left Corvus immediately. He looked into her eyes with a question in his own. Sitting up slowly as though she’d spook if he moved too quickly, he never took his eyes from hers. He’d been letting her lead this dance, and she could see that he was almost vibrating waiting to see what she’d do next. It was almost laughable, as she didn’t really know herself.

Liar, her traitorous thoughts declared. You know exactly what you want. When her hand touched his cheek, Corvus leaned into it. Pearl stroked down along his jaw and allowed her fingers to trace over his lips. That was apparently all Corvus could stand. He was on his feet before she knew what was happening. Hands cupping her face, Corvus crowded Pearl into a nearby bookshelf, and leaned in. Heat licked up her body deliciously as she waited for him to kiss her, but rather than doing so, he stopped. Waited. Letting her decide what came next. His breath was coming fast, and his eyes were fixed on her lips, but he didn’t go any further.

Well, that wouldn’t do at all. Pearl put her hands on the hard planes of Corvus’ stomach, and slowly moved them up the strong lines of his chest. With a slow exhale Pearl could feel on her forehead, Corvus leaned a forearm against the bookshelf behind her, which brought their bodies even closer together. She could feel his heart beating quickly under her hands, and she had little doubt her own was any less erratic. It would be so easy for her to kiss him. All she would have to do was raise her head, and surely she could convince him to do the rest. Hooking her hands behind his neck, she tangled her fingers in his hair as the rational and pleasure centers of her brain fought against each other and Corvus shivered under her ministrations. One of Corvus’ hands had made its way to her waist, and she could feel his long fingers digging into her hip as though to anchor it there and keep it from wandering. Pearl had always loved his hands. With such long, beautiful fingers, she’d asked him once if he knew how to play the piano. He’d merely scoffed, and said, “I’m sure my mother would have loved that, but my father thinks music is a waste of time.” But she knew he could do many, many other things with those hands. Pearl’s wandering thoughts were the final push against her rational brain, and she raised her eyes to Corvus’. Pupils blown wide, it was obvious Corvus wanted her as much as she wanted him, but he didn’t give her the satisfaction of kissing her. He just turned his face and brought his lips almost to hers - putting his stupidly perfect jawline on display and whispered. “What do you want, Pearl?”

No, no. He wasn’t supposed to ask her questions. She didn’t want to think - she just wanted to act and think about the consequences later. “You know what I want, Corvus.”

The hand on her hip made its way to the small of her back and pulled her flush against him causing a sigh to escape out of Pearl. Corvus brought his lips to the shell of her ear, and it was her turn to shiver. His whisper was soft and full of want. “No, I don’t know what you want, Pearl. I need you to tell me.” He paused for a moment, and when she said nothing, he looked her in the eyes again. “I don’t mind going first - I’ll tell you what I want. I want to kiss you. Quite desperately actually, but I don’t just want to kiss you - I want you in my life. I want to make this library yours, and I want to be yours. So if you kiss me today, know that I want much more than a kiss.”

It was hard to think straight when she could feel the hard planes of his body against hers, and he was looking at her like he’d never beheld anything more beautiful. She was filled with want, and her body was screaming at her to just say yes. She wanted to agree to anything if only he would kiss her. She wanted him to do much more than kiss her if she was being honest.

But. Why was there always a but? How could she just go along with what he was saying? How could she kiss him without diving into what he had just said? And did she want to dive into what he said? And how could she believe a word of it? She’d believed it once before in this very library in fact with a conversation so similar she could almost hear the echoes of his first declaration. Bringing her hands down and tangling them in his shirt, Pearl rested her head against Corvus’ chest and took deep breaths until the haze cleared a bit. Pushing back gently, Corvus stepped away without argument, but kept one of her hands in his.

“I…I.” Pearl had so many words rushing to get out that she couldn’t decide what to say. Looking down at their hands together, Pearl was filled with a horrific clash of longing and sadness. “You can’t say things like that, Corvus. I might believe you.”

Bringing her hand up to his face and covering it with his own, Corvus’ voice was filled with fervor. “You can believe me, Pearl. Please believe me.”

Pulling her hand from his, Pearl packed up her things slowly. Calling Mercutio, he came reluctantly - glancing over at Corvus as though trying to convince her to stay. Studiously ignoring him, as soon as Mercutio was in her bag, she marched to the door. She stopped just long enough to look back and say, “I’m afraid I can’t do that. After all, I’m just a poor Yank with a sob story angling for Winterbourne gold.”

Corvus winced as though he’d been slapped. And as she slammed the door behind her, she looked back to see a man drowning in shame.

Pearl avoided Corvus for a full week after their almost kiss, but she finally got to the point where she couldn’t avoid asking for his help any longer. Dreading the reunion, she rang the bell expecting a sullen, angry helper at best. At worst she figured he wouldn’t come at all, but he opened the door with a soft smile on his face. “It’s good to see you, Pearl. How can I help?”

Realizing she was standing there with her mouth agape when Mercutio brushed against her and gave her a look that told her she looked ridiculous, Pearl attempted to recover. “I…” She’d tried to put the whole thing out of her mind. That he wasn’t that good looking. That his smile had no impact on her at all - that she’d just been tired and lonely. But here he was, and in spite of her uncertainty about her feelings towards him, she felt an immediate pull to pick up right where they'd left off last week. She'd always been a sucker for a soft smile. Well, she'd always been a sucker for his soft smiles. Shaking her head and clearing her throat, Pearl tried again. “Um…yes! I have, um, books I need your help with.”

Corvus’ smile widened. “Alright. I’m at your service.”

Pearl gave him directions, and Corvus followed them without any fuss. They worked mostly in silence, but it was pleasant rather than oppressive like she’d expected. There was no punishment or retaliation for her saying no. He was still here, as steady and constant as he’d been from the moment he’d reentered her life.

As they were finishing up, Corvus turned to her, and seemed to be steeling himself. “I owe you an apology. I appreciate the friendship we’ve been developing, and I am terribly sorry I did anything to jeopardize that. I’ve been trying to show you that you can trust me, but I should have been more upfront about my…” He paused as though trying to find the right words, “...more romantic intentions from the beginning. You mean a great deal to me, and I would like to be in your life in whatever capacity you’ll have me.”

Putting his face in his hand, Corvus sighed in frustration. He looked bone weary, and Pearl wondered how much sleep he’d lost over this. “I practiced that apology for a week, and it was still too much, wasn’t it? I promise I’m not trying to ask for anything. Let me try again.”

Touching his hand, Pearl put him out of his misery. “It was a lovely apology, Corvus. When something matters to you, you always lead with your whole heart. I know what you’re trying to say, and I’m glad we can be friends again. Everything felt so unfinished and…” Pearl searched for a word.