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“No. Not that. No, Josh. Look at me. Not sorry. For this? Please don’t ever be sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t even ask. I shouldn’t have jumped you like that, but you make me so crazy.”

Josh blinked. “Know the feeling.”

Tyler bent down and pressed a firm kiss to Josh’s mouth again, savoring it. “I couldn’t stop myself. Swear to God I tried, but I just couldn’t keep control of it anymore.”

Josh looked stunned and nodded. “Seriously?”

“Josh, I’ve been trying to find a way to say something. You don’t even know. All these weeks going out of my mind.” He raised a hand and touched Josh’s beautiful face, traced the perfect line of his jaw. “But I saw you back then. High school and all. I mean, there was me, some dumb jock, and you were a genius. What chance did I have? And if I’d done anything, said anything….”

Josh squinted at that. “I don’t believe you.”

“I know. I’m sorry. But I was too scared. Of the guys. Of you. I couldn’t be queer back then. Captain of the team. MVP. They would’ve been awful to both of us. I couldn’t take the risk. And back then football was my only ticket out, state then pro. I had to save my family, and I had one shot.”

Josh nodded, looking over Tyler’s face like he was reading it. “I get it. I can’t quite believe, but I understand.”

“But when I saw you at the track, that first morning, I couldn’t believe. Like a miracle. I can’t explain.” Tyler bent to kiss him again, pushing his tongue across Josh’s and gripping his biceps hard. He pushed one arm behind Josh’s back and pulled him closer, tighter. He’d never felt so possessive of anyone. He hitched Josh closer, almost lifting him off the ground.

A hand on his chest pushed back. Josh was holding him at bay gently, eyes lowered as if burdened by a secret of his own.

“Hey. What is it?”

Josh stepped back from him. His arms hung limp at his sides, and his eyes were shadowed by the moon. He looked pale and haunted. “Tyler….”

“Tell me.”

“I’ve had a crush on you since, well, forever.” He swallowed, licked his lips. “I’ve wanted you for most of my life. Since high school. Way before you were famous. I guess it’s good you never knew. I have been pining for you since I was fourteen years old.”

“You did? You do?” Tyler’s heart roared in his ears.

“Terribly. Continually. I’ve wanted you for so long, and I needed to be honest before anything else happens. And after tonight, I’m not going to be able to fight the feelings anymore when I’m with you.”

“Okay. That’s okay. You liking me is more than okay.”

“I don’t think so. All this past month, you kept being so funny and charming. Almost like flirting.”

“Because I was flirting. And getting nowhere, I might add.” Tyler couldn’t understand why Josh suddenly seemed so sad. “I feel like an idiot.”

“No. I figured you guessed or knew about… everything.”

Tyler shook his head. “How could I know?”

Josh laughed and wiped his eyes. “Well, as it happens… lots and lots of complete strangers pine over you all the time. But not like I do.”

“I don’t care about them.” Tyler kissed him again, until Josh pulled back, his brow creased.

“That’s not what I mean, Tyler. Before you got famous. I fantasized.”

“I’m not mad. Why would I be mad?”

A tear slipped down Josh’s face and fell. “You don’t understand. I feel gross admitting it now. But I want to be honest with you. I don’t—” He sighed. “The way only a horny, lonely teenager does. I used you. I must’ve biked past this house a couple hundred times, right out front. Stalking you. I mean, worse than magazines under the bed. I jerked my dick raw. It’s embarrassing to admit it. Every game. Every rally.” He was crying for real now.

Tyler blinked at the intensity of Josh’s confession, trying to feel like he deserved all that devotion. “Hey. It’s okay. You didn’t hurt anything. Don’t.” He brushed away Josh’s tears. “I’ve got you.”

“Seems crazy now, because I know you now. Real you.” Josh shook his head. “But back then, I spied on you. When our eyes met, or if you bumped against me by accident in the hall, I’d shake. I couldn’t help myself.”

“Josh. Don’t cry.” Tyler raised a hand a stroked his hair, his face. He pressed a kiss against his brow and held him close. “I’m right here. It’s okay. Shhh. Hey. I’ve got you. C’mere.”

Cradled against his chest, Josh stilled. “Unhealthy, I know. All of it. All these things I projected onto you when you were a kid yourself. And totally unfair to you. Because I knew you were unattainable. Any kind of relationship was impossible.”