Page 36
The movement is small enough that I nearly miss it. I do not.
“You stay with Rachel because you want to?” I ask.
Locke turns toward her before answering. “Yes.” Rachel’s fingers curl around his.
“Did you always?”
“No. I didn’t know what I wanted at first.”
That answer sits differently from the others. Laura wanted what she had before. I am not what she had before.
Locke did not know what he wanted at first either. Now he wants Rachel beside him.
I understand that part. Laura lowers herself into the chair across from us with her coffee. She does not reach for me or move closer. I am glad she does not… I think I am.
Locke and Rachel’s hands stay together on the sofa as though neither of them needs to explain why. If Laura reached for mine, I do not know whether I would take it. If I did, I do not know whether I would want her to let go.
Locke stays for a while after that, and I stop trying to force every question into words. He tells me what happened to him. He does not tell me what I should do. When I ask about work or going places alone, he tells me what worked for him and leaves the rest to me.
He has had months to become Locke. That does not tell me how to become Kell.
I like him more once I understand that. When Rachel finally says they should go, I discover I do not want them to leave. I follow Locke to the door.
“Come to my workshop sometime,” he says. “I can show you what I do.”
“Yes.”
“If you want.”
“I said yes.”
Locke laughs. “You did.”
Rachel hugs Laura while I stand beside him. I consider whether I am supposed to hug Locke too and decide I do not want to. Hands make more sense. I hold out mine. He takes it.
“Soon?” I ask.
Locke glances toward Laura. She starts laughing.
“Yes, Kell,” Locke says. “Soon.”
Good. After their car leaves, the condo goes quiet. I know now what Locke’s voice sounds like in this room and where he sat on the sofa. His place on the sofa is empty.
Laura closes the door. “Was he what you expected?”
“No.”
She stays by the door with her coffee in one hand and waits.
“He does not know why.”
“No.”
I think about that, then about the way Laura chose her words this morning when I insisted Locke would have answers. “You suspected.”
“I did.”
“But you did not tell me.”