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The look on his face at that moment is priceless. “That’s it? You’re kicking me out?”

“Yes. Do you need glasses?”

The villain theme song, serenading softly in the background, starts to fade.

And this marks the official end of our chaotic villain ark.



“Now, let’s move on to our next topic, folks.” Queeny addresses alliance leaders, once again reading from her script. “But before that, I would like to thank all of you for your participation in today’s victory, which could not have been achieved without you all. Now clap, everyone.”

They clapped.

The script in her hand goes on, after going off for that last sentence. “This fateful evening, we would also like to officially announce that we have, at last, found and confirmed the lineage of the fairy kings and queens of old. We would like to present to you all our recognized heir, the illegitimate daughter of our late fairy king, Poppo Potbelly.”

More claps now.

Then she turns to Lily Lavender Lalaland, who sits there all shy and quiet. “Now get up and stand on your seat, shortie.”

Lily stands on her seat nervously. It sure is her first time being taller than everyone else in the room, thanks to her marshmallow seat’s cushions, and that is really rattling her nerves.

Her beautiful man grabs her hand and gives her knuckles a quick smooch. “May the force be with you.”

Lily-girl then turns to Queeny, standing by her side. “That’s my father’s name? Like actually?”

“Yep,” Queeny whispers back to her. “And his middle name was Pothead, no shit.”

“I think I’m better off not knowing more about him, from now on.”

Lily would always be the different girl from all other girls, and now, she knows why. ’Cause she’s the fucking fairy queen, and one without wings, no less. Her pouty pink lips curve, and she gives the room a small smile.

Her queenly gaze sweeps across the banquet hall like poor Cinderella’s broom, till it reaches the lumberjack leader guy whose name she forgot yesterday. He opens his big mouth and spoils the whole serene mood, the noble air. “Wait, that kid doesn’t even have wings. You’re sure you’re right?”

What a cow.

Every pins this unimportant minor character with his keen, dark, romance novel male lead gaze. “Cut your mean streak out for a minute, Axel Tuffman. You have half of her brain cells.”

“If she has any to begin with,” the lumberjack counters. “You’re just jealous that I’m better at cutting trees than you.”

“And you’re mean because you know I can chop trees, and I’m a government-certified lumberjack who doesn’t lumber around deforesting the earth. Unlike the uncertified quack you are, who decided to make chopping wood your whole personality. And you can’t even complete all the Excel spreadsheets that I’m so good with. Or make money, you broke bitch. Ha.”

The sugar plum fairy rolls her eyes. “That’s enough, boys.”

Then she continues. “Lily is the fairy queen, and that is final. Unless you would like to abdicate the throne, of course.”

Lily scrunches her eyebrows. “Why would I do that?”

“So it is to be declared then that you would take responsibility for the town starting tomorrow? Listen to the bitching and whining of your fairy population and be at their beck and call? Last week, an old fairy filed a lawsuit against her neighbor for singing too loudly at 3 AM in the morning. And guess what, she was just having hallucinations. She doesn't even have a neighbor. Or you don’t want to work, huh, dear?”

Lily scrunches her eyebrows further for three more minutes as she considers all her life plans, before she turns to Every, her knight, her lover. A melancholic, sad girl look clouds her face as her serious expression morphs away, replaced by it. “Babe, all I’ve ever wanted in life was to not be broke. I worked for hags like Josefina and bastards like Billy Ben, but I didn’t expect it to come to this, this level of fuckery. I just want a little suburban house with some white picket fences. Maybe all that and a small startup business or some stupid shit like that. But I haven’t even thought that far into the future yet. Oh no, I’m not ready.”

Queeny rolls her eyes at her total meltdown. “I fucking knew it.”

But Lily’s man, her sweet, beautiful, slightly egoistic man, smiles. Again, we would like to remind you that he has such nice teeth that his dentist would be proud. “I don’t really expect you to rule here full-time either, sugartits. You can just be an absent ruler like your dad, you know.”

“But that will make me sound like a deadbeat. Oh no.” Lily fans herself, starting to hyperventilate.

But her slightly smart (no, that’s the last thing he is) man reasons with her. “This ain’t your child. It’s your fucking hometown that isn’t even your hometown because you’ve been here for five minutes total.”