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In his panic, unable to differentiate what actually happened and what didn’t, the king of mice screams. “Alright, I’ll fuck off.”
The sugar plum fairy comes out of nowhere and flutters up with her multi-colored wings until they are at eye level. “See, that wasn’t too hard, was it?”
“It is hard, Queeny,” Fernando puffs out.
Lily, as well as all the troopers of both armies, regardless of their political idealizations and choice of leaders, are now watching the exchange intently. They all stand around the fateful candy cane lamp post, half broken, their hearts pounding more than when the battle was at its height. The whole war could end—or not, and they would get their paychecks and a flight home—or not, depending solely on the outcome of these two leaders’ dealings.
Or rather their feelings and vibes at the moment, to be more accurate.
“Sucks to be you, then. And don’t call me that, cause I’m not your friend. It’s dear Miss Sugar Plum Fairy and ‘yes, my lady’ to you.”
He’s panting now. And ignoring her taunts. “I can’t believe your dumb knight Vlad-the-Impalored me.”
Queeny raises—yes, you guessed it—an arched eyebrow. “Huh, looks like this villain is a history buff.”
“Quit thy jesting, maiden.”
“Quit yours first, bastard. You can’t even bring yourself to be serious.”
“I’m serious, Queeny. I don’t know how much longer my ass cheeks are gonna hold up my body weight before I fall and ruin my favorite Henley.”
Again, Queeny raises her eyebrow, an insignificant move that signifies her supporting role. “Wait, I thought the spike went up your ass.”
“Of course not. That’s going to be way too R-rated for this PG-13 lighthearted read.” Then he grits his teeth, sliding slowly down the lamppost. Guess his ass cheeks gave up on him.
“A missed opportunity, indeed.”
CHAPTER 25: SAPPY DIALOGUE
Without a villain, there is no hero.
“Hey, why’d you hate me so much? I didn’t even reincarnate any of you to the duke of the north’s palace,” Fernando defends himself. He scowls in his seat, still in his ruined Henley—his favorite one, according to his own words—and his actually ripped jeans.
The sugar plum fairy clicks her premium gold-inlaid fountain pen’s cap, deep in thought. In the room around her, the leaders gather, sipping the lemon-iced tea provided by unnoticed staff. A few of them snore softly, like the alien warlord, for one, wearied to the bones from the previous wrestling craziness that ensued. Not even a day has passed: it’s just afternoon.
Leaving their subordinates to do all the cleanup and mopping, the leaders sit together in a council.
Also known as the multi-purpose dining room.
Fairyland ain’t that rich, after all.
“What?” the guard, Glycogen, asks, not understanding whatever bluff his enemy is making.
Ferny the Fucked just shrugs. “If you know, you know, brother.”
“I thought you’re a single child, Fernando.” Lily blinks her beautiful green eyes like the constantly confused, perpetually curious heroine she is. She sits beside Queeny, like the last time, with her man on her other side. She stares back at Fernando, sitting at the opposite end of the table, way far on the other side.
“That’s just a figure of speech, buddy.”
“So, what are we supposed to do next?” What can she say? Lily’s never been a leader before.
“We’re supposed to come up with some solution,” her enemy takes pity on her little knowledge and answers her. Now that she studies his appearance again, he is, in fact, more than just a generic tub of ketchup-flavored popcorn. His looks are somewhat that of a bombshell blonde, slightly resembling Marilyn Monroe, who lived her life whole decades earlier.
But the male version, of course.
Queeny sighs. “Then you get all your hoes and fuck off from my town, you bastard.”
Fernando looks up at her innocently, blinking his eyes. They still look crazed, though. Once a villain, always a villain. “Chill. I didn’t even do that much damage, did I?”
