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Since then, for two nights, he hadn’t slept in his bed. And she, therefore, hadn’t slept at all. Her eyes burned from the lack of sleep. Mrs. Knight told her Dorian was spending time in a little cottage he owned in Rathford Village.
Her hand holding her pen froze over her journal. Had she done something wrong? Was she not enough to hold his affection?
Tears pricked at her eyes, and she set down the quill, hands trembling. If she could just find out Dorian’s secret. If she could just understand him, and reassure him there was nothing he could do to push her away… That she was ready to share his burden. That she would understand no matter what it was.
Whatever connected Dorian and John, she would understand like no one else. Uncovering the Oxford incident was the key to her marital happiness, she was sure.
If only she could break through to Dorian; if only he would stop running from her, pushing her away…
Her first impulse was to turn away from her sadness, her regret, her anger. Bad emotions belonged in the basket… Or did they?
The cheer she usually put on in situations such as these felt like a fragile mask. And, to her surprise, it didn’t feel like it would help her with Dorian. Or even make her feel better.
Perhaps she should let herself feel her emotions?
The sound of approaching footsteps stirred Patience from her melancholy. Her pulse quickened and she sat up straighter, daring to hope it was Dorian seeking her out. Perhaps he had come to take her in his arms again and chase away the doubts plaguing her?
But it was not the duke who appeared in the doorway. Patience’s heart sank as Lady Chastity stepped into the room, disappointment washing over her. She quickly fixed a smile on her face.
“Your Grace,” Chastity greeted with a curtsy. “I hope I am not interrupting?”
“Not at all,” Patience said as she turned to Chastity. Like last time, she was in a practical dark gown of excellent fabric and cut. Mademoiselle Antoinette would have had a fit and probably thrown such a gown away if Patience dared to wear something so plain. “And, please, do call me Patience. We’re sisters now, after all.”
Chastity cocked her head in acknowledgment, and her eyes behind her spectacles warmed. “Indeed, we are. You may call me Chastity. I never had a sister and am quite delighted.”
Patience’s smile widened, and there was nothing false about it at all. Chastity looked quite rigid and strict, and Patience wondered if it was mere shyness and lack of social confidence. Whatever the reason for her stiffness, Chastity was a brilliant woman, and Patience wanted to be friends with a fellow female scientist.
“Forgive me for enquiring, but are you all right?” asked Chastity.
Oh, Patience missed Anne. She missed Dorian, too. And having someone friendly ask her if she was all right lifted her spirits.
Patience nodded, putting on her smiling mask. “I’m perfectly fine. Thank you for asking. I was just working on my paper. After your suggestion, I did find notes that I recorded through the years on the growth, bloom quality, pests, and diseases of both the gallica rose and the damask rose. I think it’s enough to represent the control group. I’m almost finished.”
“That is good news.” Chastity approached the desk, curiosity shining in her eyes. “May I take a closer look?”
With a nod, Patience slid the journal towards Chastity, swallowing back the lump in her throat. “Of course.”
Chastity studied the pages intently, her brow furrowed in concentration. After a few moments, she looked up with a smile. “This is excellent work. Now your paper is so much more scientifically sound.”
Patience felt a flush of pride at the compliment, which had no false notes at all. “Thank you! It was not easy to hear my paper may not be good enough after all these years… But you were right, and your feedback was exactly what I needed.”
“I am glad.” Chastity’s eyes glimmered with enthusiasm. “We’re stronger together, are we not?”
Patience’s heart ached, and suddenly, she did not want to pretend. With Anne, she’d allow herself to cry for a minute or two because sometimes there was no other way to turn away from the sadness…and she’d tell her everything.
Chastity blurred before her eyes, a sob exploded through her chest, and she burst into tears.
“Patience…” Chastity mumbled, clearly in shock. “What—what did I say? I only meant we, as women, should stick together… Er—”
Patience covered her face with her hands and cried, nodding. “You did… It’s not you…”
Chastity pulled another chair next to Patience and sat on it. Awkwardly, she put her arm around Patience’s shoulders. “Oh, Patience, I—I don’t know what to say… Please, calm down.”
Instead of calming down, Patience turned towards her new sister and practically fell into Chastity’s arms. Chastity wrapped her arms around Patience and patted her stiffly.
“Er…there, there?” Chastity said. “I…er…I’d never have said anything about control groups if I knew you’d cry like this. I only meant to help—”
“I know. It’s not the control groups.”