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“Calliope is well, brother,” said Hazel. “Well…besides her vomiting. You can find peace with her again, I am certain. But first you must find peace in yourself.”
After that, Nathaniel accompanied her to the end of Roxburgh Square where he watched her enter the house safely.
He spent the next week in the same routine, except for going to the boxing matches. He no longer felt the need to get himself beaten to diminish his pain.
There was not so much pain anymore. He kept thinking of Calliope, but not as the source of his ache.
As his source of happiness.
The night of stars and irises was, perhaps, the best day of his life…after the day he married Calliope, of course…or the night of the Royal Navy ball when he first met her. It was hard to pick.
But as days passed by and his bruises healed, he kept mulling over Hazel’s words and his own thoughts.
Safety was an illusion.
A lie.
He was not God and could never fully protect his sisters and his wife…and his future children.
All he could do was love them and do his best to help them.
The thought filled him with such a deep and powerful sense of peace he felt it through the crust of the Earth and through the whole planet. He lingered, feeling a sense of calmness.
What would it feel like, to always have that peace he’d felt? To feel like he could trust her to protect herself and to know her own mind? To let go and let her be who she was and who he loved her for?
Fierce. Independent. Sharp. Beautiful. Someone he couldn’t help but admire.
Someone he could support.
And love.
And see shine beyond her wildest dreams. And be so, so proud of her, watching her with pure adoration.
Something like a benediction came over him, and he felt light and vast and warm.
How would it feel to be the kind of man who had the peace of mind that came from the love that he felt for her and from his trust?
Perhaps it wasn’t rational. But he could feel it just like he could feel his own heart beating.
Because his love for Calliope was bigger than his fear.
Just like his mama’s love for him was bigger than her fear of death. She had been blessing him all this time, and he didn’t even notice. Perhaps it was she who had led Calliope to him and given him the biggest treasure in his life.
He grabbed his coat, feeling strange and almost ethereal as love and peace spilled through his blood, and he said out loud to the room he hoped to never see again, “It’s time for me to go home.”
36
Nathaniel walked into Roxburgh and saw no one. It was strange, given he had instructed Joshua to make sure at least one footman watched the door at any moment.
There was no chatter of the twins as he walked through the hallway, which now looked beautiful, with a vase full of yellow irises and the contrasting navy blue paint over the plastered wall. Like the navy of his uniform against the gold of her dress.
With an unsettling feeling that something was very, very wrong, he passed through the hallway in just a few long strides and headed towards the stairway. He climbed up two steps at a time until he finally stood on the bedchamber floor. He rushed to Calliope’s door and opened it.
Empty.
Quick footsteps sounded behind him, and he turned around.
“Brother.” Violet beamed.
