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Viking’s Desire

Page 64

by Mariah Stone

Was it at this comfortable, cozy, family table that Holly’s belief that she was never good enough had been born?

And who said that she wasn’t good enough? That anything at all was wrong with her? She was pregnant. She’d met the love of her life—who she felt loved her, too. She’d withstood a psycho Viking who wanted to murder her. She’d saved the merger.

What part of any of that was wrong?

“Not really, Mom,” Holly said. “The team effort without me, lead to Kamasaki almost pulling out of the deal completely. Only when I came back and intervened, were we able to complete it after all.”

“Oh. Right, honey. Just don’t be arrogant, okay, sweetheart?”

Holly clenched the fork and put it down. “Mom, I’m not being arrogant. I deserved this. It was thanks to me because I built a rapport with Mr. Kamasaki. Because I understand their reasons for merging, which weren’t written anywhere on paper. And because I could deliver the promises in the merger. Alan Murphy and the team were not able to complete the deal without me. It’s not arrogance. It’s a fact.”

Mom listened to her with wide eyes, then bowed her head slightly and returned to her food. “There’s no need to raise your voice, Holly. I didn’t know.”

“No, you didn’t know. But you assumed. Like you always assume that things go wrong because of me. That something is always wrong with me.”

Mom swallowed and blinked. “What?”

“Men leave me because I’m too strong, according to you. I couldn’t get pregnant because I didn’t eat well and drank too much coffee. And on and on. You always find something to point at. You make me feel like I’m defective. Like there’s something fundamentally wrong with me, in everything I do. Even my real parents didn’t want me…”

Holly knew she had gone too far. Mom gasped and jumped up from her chair. Dad froze and paled, looking at Holly helplessly and with such pain that she felt as though her words were cutting him in half. Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones, but tears burned Holly’s eyes, filled them, and began streaming down her cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” Holly said, covering her eyes with her hands and leaning on the table.

Mom pulled a chair up to Holly’s side and hugged her, the small but strong hands pressing her tightly.

“They were idiots if they didn’t want you,” Mom said. “But we wanted you so much, it hurt. Who wouldn’t want you, baby? You’re beautiful, and the smartest person I know, and the strongest. You don’t give up, and you work as hard as ten men. And, of course, it was thanks to you, that merger. Anyone with a brain could see that. And I’m sorry I’m so hard on you. I just want you to be careful, to consider all the consequences. To not get ahead of yourself. I never meant for you to feel defective. Just careful. All mothers want their children to be safe. That’s all I want for you, honey.”

Holly bawled in her arms, and Mom, who always smelled like vanilla, felt like a safe haven. Holly felt Dad moving and taking the chair on the other side of Holly, then his big, warm hand lay on her back.

“But why did he send me away then?” Holly whispered. “If nothing is wrong with me, why do men not want to be with me? Not men, one man. Him. Why did he send me away, that buffoon?”

“Who?” Mom said carefully. “The father of your child?”

Holly nodded and straightened, wiping her eyes. She’d never told her parents what had really happened. She’d just mentioned that she’d met someone in Scotland and accidentally gotten pregnant. Then she’d asked them not to interrogate her any further until she was ready to talk. After Mom had carefully asked if Holly had been raped, and Holly had assured her that she had been perfectly safe, Mom had let the topic go. Although, Holly sometimes felt Mom was having a hard time swallowing her questions. But a hard glance from Dad usually did the trick.

“Yes. I fell in love with him, and I think he loves me, too. But he sent me away, although I really wanted to be with him. He has a daughter, and she’s so sweet.”

“Who is he?” Mom asked. “What does he do?”

Holly sighed, wiping her eyes. Should she just tell them? “He’s a Viking jarl. I traveled back in time to the ninth century, and he saved me. He’s my husband.”

Mom raised her eyebrows. “I’m sure it’s some sort of a metaphor, that time travel. Do you mean he has a castle? Lands? Is he a nobleman?”

Holly shrugged. If she insisted on her explanation, they’d think she was having a nervous breakdown. “Sort of.”

“And you married him?” Dad said.

“Yes. We never divorced. He just… He sent me away. I mean, I wanted to come back. I’d probably have come back anyway. I needed to close the deal. But the main reason I wanted to leave was that I was terrified to fall in love with him even more and for him to end up rejecting me and leaving me like every single man in my life before him.”

“Why did he send you away then?” Dad asked, and for the first time in her life, Holly heard a note of steel in his voice.

“He—his previous wife died in childbirth together with his second child. He was terrified that would happen to me, too. He never wanted to get another woman pregnant. He had thought I’d leave eventually and wasn’t interested in a real marriage with him, so he’d believed I wouldn’t want children.”

“But he loves you?” Mom said. “He’s just afraid to lose you. You and the baby?”

Holly pursed her lips. “I think so, Mom. I think he loves me. Which doesn’t guarantee he’d never leave me like other men. Jack loved me in the beginning. So did Ryan.”

“Honey, we love you, and we’d never want to leave you or let you go. The right man won’t, either. Jack, Ryan, all those others were idiots. I’d have killed them if I had known what kind of nonsense they’d put in your head. Maybe you should call this man. Invite him and his daughter to Orlando. Have him meet us. He’s your husband… And why is it that you didn’t invite us to the wedding?”