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“I…I think so, aye. ’Tis happened to me ever since I got away.”
Kate inhaled deeply, enjoying the freedom of being able to fill her lungs with air. He watched her with such remorse that her heart broke.
“If anything had happened to ye, if I had…with my own hands… Ye, the woman I love… I wouldna be able to live with myself…”
The woman he loved… All the tension in her body released, and she sighed. “I know, Ian. I know you didn’t mean it. I think it’s PTSD.”
“What?”
“A post-traumatic stress disorder. You can’t help it. It’s like a mental illness in a way, although treatable. It’s not your fault, Ian. Many soldiers get it after a war. It’s no surprise you have it.”
Her neck and throat already felt much better, although still sore. She crawled towards him and he backed up.
“Nae, Katie, better stay away.”
She chuckled. “You aren’t going to hurt me now that you’re awake.”
She sat on the blanket with her legs crossed and opened her arms to him. “Come here.”
He hesitated a moment. “Are ye certain, lass?”
“Yes, I’m certain. Come.”
He exhaled and came to her. He lay on the blanket and put his head on her lap. The weight of his head pleasant on her legs, she gently brushed his hair and the side of his face with her palm. He closed his eyes.
“Tell me about the dream,” she said.
“’Twas on the ship. I had to kill the captain so that he wouldna take me to Baghdad. I thought if I never landed there, I’d never become a slave. I’d have a chance with ye. The chance to spend a lifetime with ye.”
Kate’s chest throbbed. He wanted a lifetime with her. And she wanted a lifetime with him, too.
“I thought, if I killed just one person, him, I wouldna need to kill so many more innocent ones. I wouldna need to become a monster.”
Kate shook her head. “You’re not a monster.”
“I almost killed ye. I killed that unarmed lad while getting ye away from the damn Sassenachs, and don’t even recall attacking him. How can I nae be a monster?”
“You’re just wounded in your soul, and healing. You’re a good man. The best man I’ve ever known.”
He rubbed her thigh gently. “Ye’re too kind for saying that, lass. I dinna deserve ye.”
She shook her head. “No, that’s definitely not true. You deserve every good thing in your life and more. You’ve suffered enough.”
Unlike her.
At least, that was what she’d grown up believing.
Kate stroked his scruff. “Would you feel better if I told you about my nightmares?”
“I dinna want ye to relive something that frightens ye.”
“It’s nothing like yours.” She chuckled. “Compared to your struggles, mine were minor.”
He looked up at her. “I want to ken everything about ye.”
“Okay. Well. In my time, people have developed vaccines. It’s medicine that helps prevent certain dangerous diseases. Parents need to take their children to a doctor to have them vaccinated. Some choose not to—it’s a big debate… Anyway, my mom was not someone who opposed vaccination. She just…didn’t have time to take my sister and me.”
“Aye. Ye said her work was heavy.”
