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It was an answer that erased everything that had happened between us since he brought me back here. He didn’t care about me. He didn’t want to try again. He wanted to hurt me. Use me. And he did. How could I be so naive? It’s not that no one else could hurt me… it’s that only he could.

When he merely rested back against the sofa I got off his lap and fixed my pajama shorts.

I left the living room, taking the stairs two at a time as a deep ache scattered across my chest, clawing its way up.

Tightness expanded in my throat as I stumbled forward, my fingers brushing down my neck.

A door across the hall slowly opened and I stopped dead in my tracks, staring over at Rosalia’s concerned expression.

With tears swelling in my eyes I shook my head and she closed Sally’s bedroom door, hurrying over.

“I—“ I choked out, my head rapidly shaking and she placed a firm hand on my back, guiding me into Sally’s bedroom.

“What happened?” Her eyes softened but I kept walking until I was pacing up and down. “Nirah?”

My mouth opened and closed a few times as my brain tried to make sense of it. To process it. Understand how I’d gotten to this point. It was never supposed to be like this. I knew better—I always knew better.

“You need to cry.” Rosalia approached me but I stepped past her.

“No, no,” I stammered, and my vision blurred with tears as my hands pulled the collar of my t-shirt. “I can’t cry, I…” my words were caught in my throat, my shoulders tense. “Maybe if I just…” I paced, clutching my hands in front of me, my head buzzing with pain.

“Nirah…?” Rosalia grabbed the sides of my arms, forcing me to stop.

“I think if I just—“

“Snap out of it!” She shook me once and my eyes snapped up to her. Silence dwelled as the warmth of her gaze wrapped around me. “Cry,” she whispered, the word pulling a single tear to roll down my cheek.

Her softening eyes filled with a tender love forced me over the edge as I squeezed my eyes shut, allowing the flood of tears to gush down my face.

She snaked her arms around me, pulling me into her warm embrace and my body stayed frozen in place as a tremor wracked my body.

“I got you.” She pressed her hand to the back of my head, caressing my back with the other. “Cry, Nirah,” she murmured. “You’re allowed to cry.”

The tension that festered in my head grew to strong.

“It wasn’t—“ my words caught in my throat. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this, I swear.”

She pulled back, taking my hands in hers as we sat down on the edge of the bed. “You had a family here, Nirah. Cesar, Amelia… me.”

“I had to,” I breathed. “He was the only one—It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He was only supposed to help me and then I’d get out. That was the plan.” My voice cracked. “And I fell for him, I really did but I couldn’t risk him being like Alexander— they’re brothers, Rosalia, and we both know—“ The words clogged in my throat, pain scattering across my chest.

Her chest fell with a heavy sigh. “Has my boss ever…” she paused. “Has he ever taken advantage of you, Nirah?”

“No, no, of course not.” I assured her and she gave me a single nod.

“Has he ever made you uncomfortable? Feel threatened? Forced into anything sexual that you didn’t want to do?”

My tears dried as a deep crease formed between my eyebrows. “No, Rosalia. Never.”

Her lips pressed together. “Then what are you so afraid of?” she asked, and I opened my mouth but words weren’t coming out. I didn’t have an answer. My shoulder slumped as I blinked rapidly, understanding what I did… It was never about Antonio. It was about me. I was afraid. I couldn’t trust. I couldn’t get over what happened and I… I used him as an excuse. I ruined everything, and now… this is all… my… fault…

My hands shot to my throat, clutching the string tightening around my neck. “Rosalia.” I choked out and concern flooded her face.

“Miss Nirah?” she leaned forward, searching my face for an answer.

“I can’t breathe.” I aimlessly clawed at my neck and she reached for my wrists.

“I don’t understand.” She tried tugging my wrists down, shifting closer and my chest burned as I fought for oxygen. “Breathe, Nirah.” Her hold on my wrists tightened and I shook my head.