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“Finn—”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
The words come out rough. Broken. Almost a whisper under the sound of the water.
Behind me, his hand stops moving.
Then he turns me around so I’m facing him.
His hair is stuck to his forehead. Water is running down his face. His eyes are red. He puts his hands flat against my chest, right where my heart is beating too hard, and he keeps them there.
“I know,” he says quietly.
“You know?”
“Noëlle told me.”
“What?”
“This morning.” His mouth pulls up on one side in an almost-smile. “She told me you asked her to teach you to bake bread. She told me a man doesn’t learn how to make bread for someone unless he loves them.”
“She’s right.”
“I love you too, Foster.”
I don’t know when I started crying, but I know I’m doing it because his hand comes up and wipes my cheek. It’s not the shower water, and neither of us pretends it is.
“I’ve been so scared,” I say.
“Of what?”
“Of losing you. Of Bastian not accepting us. Of not being enough for you.”
His face crumples.
“Fox. Fox, no. I’m the one who isn’t enough.”
“What?”
“You’ve been all over the world. You’ve played for hundreds of thousands of people. You’ve been in documentaries and magazine covers. And I—” He gestures vaguely. “I organize a Christmas market and eat takeout on my couch and read romance novels. I don’t know how to be someone you’d want to actually come home to.”
I stare at him and put both my hands on his face. “Do you have any idea what I’ve been picturing for the last week?”
He shakes his head.
“Us, living together in a house on that street with the Christmas lights. I’ve been looking at a listing for a while. It’s a small craftsman, four blocks from here. There’s a porch that runs the full length of the front.”
“You looked at a house? In Winterberry?”
“I want an ordinary life, Finn. I have never wanted that before. For years I was always moving, and I’ll admit I’ve never wanted to stay somewhere forever. That’s why I live with Nikko. Having my own place would feel like putting roots down, and it felt too…permanent.”
“I understand.”
“And now the only thing I can think about is being somewhere that has you in it because you are the exact thing I didn’t know I was starving for.”
Finn is crying openly now. His whole face is wet and he’s laughing at the same time.
