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“Emma, right. Picture Emma with a baby in her arms.”
I blink, refusing to close my eyes. I don’t need to. The image is imprinted in my brain, a familiar pang of longing accompanying it.
“Now picture that baby a little older, toddling along as they hold Emma’s hand.”
I swallow and see the picture, even though I don’t want to.
“Now, picture a man on the other side of your child, holding their hand. He looks over at Emma before leaning over to kiss her. They pull apart when the kid calls him Daddy—”
I suck in a painful breath, my chest constricting at the image. I can’t breathe. Why the fuck can’t I breathe?
A slap on the back has all the air rushing back into my lungs. I don’t have it in me to hit Dot back. I stare at Jinx as her face softens.
“I know you feel like you’ve lost something, but I promise you, it will pale in comparison to losing your woman and kid. Having your ass kicked in PT will feel like nothing compared to watching her fall in love with someone else.”
I turn my head so I’m staring at Knight and Splinter. “She always like this?”
“Smart and wise?” Knight asks with a grin.
“Why’d you think we made her our old lady?” Splinter replies with a chuckle.
“Did you die?” John’s voice snaps me out of my thoughts.
“I’m still thinking about it,” I admit, making him laugh, though I’m not seeing anything funny.
“Come on, we still have one more thing to do.”
I swallow, knowing what’s to come. He offers me his hand, and I take it, having learned a lot over the last month about my pride and when to let people in.
He makes sure the brake is on my wheelchair and helps me into it before handing me the bottle of water back. “Drink it all. You’re going to need it because if you think that was rough, I have news for you. And it’s all bad.”
“You’re a sadist, aren’t you?”
He grins at me, and I have the strangest urge to stab the fucker in the face. The thing is, though, if he took it easy on me, I’d never push myself. I’d still be sitting back at the clubhouse feeling sorry for myself. Still, there is no denying this is fucking brutal.
When my limbs stop shaking, I wheel myself over to the bars and look at them like they might catch fire any minute.
“I’m not looking for miracles, Lick. I’m looking for a starting point. That fire in your belly is half the battle. You might go home and cry like a little bitch, but it will make you stronger. The question you gotta ask yourself is, do you want it bad enough?”
I picture Emma and my kid playing happy families with someone else and fill myself with determination.
“Tell me what to do.”
Aknock at the door has me groaning. They don’t wait for me to answer, so I know it’s my father.
“I’m putting you in the shittiest retirement home I can find when the time comes.”
“Fuck that shit. I’m going out of this world the same way I came in.”
“Naked and screaming?”
“And sliding out of someone’s pussy.”
I groan, wishing I hadn’t asked. Using my shaky arms to help me sit, I drag my legs over the side of the bed.
“What do you need?” I glance at the clock, surprised to find I’ve slept most of the day away.
“Got church in an hour.”
