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The receptionist greets me with a wild smile when I enter and hands me a tablet so I can fill in all my details. I miss the days when it was pen and paper, and they filled it all in for you.

With a sigh, I take a seat next to the water dispenser. I need to drink some to get the clearest images. I sip slowly as I fill in the information, stalling on some of the questions about dad and his medical history, unsure of the answers and feeling a little embarrassed because of it. We did everything backwards, and now it’s looking as if we may have shot ourselves in the foot. We’re just not solid enough to weather this storm as I’d hoped.

When I finish filling out the forms, I hand the tablet back to the receptionist and take my seat again. I drink my water before refilling the cup and drink that down too. My bladder feels like it’s about to explode, and it might if they don’t call me back soon.

Someone must be looking down on me because a woman about my age walks out with a tablet in her hand and calls me in. “Hello, my name is Miranda. It’s nice to meet you, Emma,” she says, glancing up from the tablet with a smile.

“Thanks, you too.”

“You’re here for your twenty-week scan, yes?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, good. Why don’t you hop up onto the table and get comfortable?”

She eyes my dress and walks over to the cupboard across the room, returning with a towel. “If you hitch your dress up over your bump, you can cover yourself with this.”

“Thanks. I didn’t really think the outfit through.”

“Don’t even worry about it. The most important thing is being comfortable.” She smiles, putting me at ease. She chatters away as I get settled, slipping on some gloves and wheeling the ultrasound machine closer.

“Now I look at your file, I know this isn’t your first pregnancy. A lot has changed in medicine since you had your twins, but alas, nobody has found a way to make the gel any less cold.”

I chuckle as she grips the wand and glides it over my bump. It takes but a minute to find the heartbeat. The sight and sound bring tears to my eyes all over again. Seeing it and hearing it feels like watching the sun come out after a hurricane has rolled through town.

The relief is staggering. So much so, I have to take a moment and think about why. It dawns on me that I’ve been so busy worrying about everyone else that I’d brushed off concerns I’d had, even knowing I’m considered high risk because of my age.

“Everything looks great. Baby is developing well. A little small, but looking at your notes, that might just be the norm for you. I’m certainly not seeing any reason to be concerned, at least not yet. And developmentally, he or she is exactly where they’re supposed to be.”

I blow out a shaky, relieved breath. “Thank you.”

“You are very welcome. Let’s get you cleaned up, and then I’ll print you some pictures so you can pee, like I’m sure you need to.” I chuckle at her grin. “It’s not my first rodeo.” She winks, helping me down.

I hurry to the toilets across the corridor and sigh in relief as I finally get to pee, fighting back a grin when I hear someone in the next cubicle doing the same damn thing. When I make it back to the room, the photos are printed out and ready to go.

“When do you have your next antenatal appointment?”

“Next Tuesday, I think.”

“Okay, good, I’ll make sure your file is updated and ready for your midwife to access. Enjoy the rest of your day.”

“Thanks, you too.”

I head out with a smile on my face, the photos in an envelope clenched tightly in my hand. I climb on the bus and stare down at them and make a decision I’ve been umming and ahhing over all morning. I’d told Lick I’d be visiting today when he was finished with physio, but when I woke up this morning, I had this clawing need to stay away for the day. The whole journey here, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to take a break for a day or two and give both me and Lick some room to breathe. But seeing our baby on screen again changes my mind.

I divide the photos and place half in the small, zipped pocket inside my bag. I slide the rest back into the envelope. I take a deep breath and blow it out, feeling confident that this might be the very thing Lick needs to break him out of his funk.

I’m not sure what time he’s due back from his appointment, but I’m sure Dot or one of the others won’t mind me hanging with them until he gets back. Decision made, I get off the bus a few stops early so I can give myself a pep talk as I approach the clubhouse. The prospect on the gate smiles at me and waves me in. I wave back and head for the main doors. I tug hard, surprised to find loud music playing when I enter. It’s usually pretty quiet at this time of day.

I glance around and see a bunch of brothers I’m not sure I’ve met yet. I walk around looking for a familiar face, wondering for a moment if I stumbled into something I perhaps shouldn’t have. When I spot Hammer near the bar, I head over and move up beside him.

He jolts when he looks at me before smiling widely. “Well, hey there Emma, how are you doing?”

“I’m doing well, thanks. You?”

“Same old, same old.”

“Do you know if Lick is back from his appointment yet?”