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Carly didn’t look away. “I’m not saying don’t be funny. I’m saying don’t hide behind it.”
“I’m not hiding.”
Carly’s expression didn’t change.
“Fine,” Lauren said. “I’m not only hiding.”
“Progress,” said Beth.
Lauren shot her a look with no heat in it. She was too busy feeling exposed.
She could talk to clients. She could make nervous people feel less stupid for asking. She could explain bodies and pain without making anyone feel they’d failed a test. But point a camera at her, tell her people would listen, and every easy answer vanished.
She rubbed a hand over her face. “I need a minute.”
Nobody stopped her. Beth didn’t make a joke, which meant she either understood too much or was saving it. Carly didn’t call after her either.
Lauren grabbed her water bottle and pushed through to the back corridor, with its flickering strip light and smell of lemon cleaner. Not quite the clubhouse toilets, but close enough.
In the bathroom, she stared at herself in the mirror. Red face. Damp hair. Branded polo. Very professional. Very adult. Still one wrong comment away from being the girl people had rolled their eyes at in changing rooms and car parks.
The waste of space off the pitch.
She held her wrists under the cold tap until they prickled.
A knock sounded on the open door. Lauren didn’t look round.
“Are you okay?” Carly asked.
“Yes.”
Even to her, it sounded tired.
Carly leaned a shoulder against the frame, no clipboard in sight. “I wasn’t trying to corner you.”
“You did a decent impression.”
“I know.”
Lauren glanced at her in the mirror, caught out.
Carly looked uncomfortable, which helped. “I’m not very good at this part.”
“What part?”
“The part where I need someone to do something important and I can’t make the plan detailed enough to guarantee it works.”
Lauren turned off the tap. The last drops hit the basin too loudly.
“You think me talking to a camera is important?”
“Yes.”
“God. No pressure, then.”
“That’s why I’m saying it badly.” Carly looked down the corridor rather than at her. “This place needs people to walk in and feel there’s room for them. I can make it clean and organised. Beth can make it less sterile.”
“Generous.”
