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I’d heard them a couple times now already.

“Mm-hmm,” the fae responded flatly, looking unimpressed and bored.

“I never do this.” Clarence let out a little self-deprecating chuckle, shaking his head. His back was to me, so he hadn’t spotted me yet as I stood behind him, my smile now frozen on my face in more of a teeth-baring grimace. “I never just approach strangers like this, but… I just had to. I had to talk to you the moment I saw you.”

“You absolute turd,” I heard myself say.

Clarence jumped and whirled around, that long, thin beard flying out and almost whapping me in the chin. Before I knew what I was doing, my hand had shot up to flick it out of the way, making his eyes widen as he let out a tiny squeak.

“I knew that was a line!” With my free hand, I jabbed a finger at him. “I saw you staring at that werewolf’s ass in the bar, by the way.”

His throat bobbed. “Niko, baby, I—”

“My name. Is not. Niko.” I flicked his beard between words for emphasis, and he gulped again. “My name is Klaus. It’s Klaus, you inconsiderate douche.”

You did just fuck a werewolf in the middle of your date, the sensible voice in my brain whispered to me, but I steadfastly ignored it. Not important.

You also jerked a guy off through a glory hole on your first date, it added, making heat rise in my face.

Honestly, I knew I’d been trying way too hard to like Clarence, desperately hoping that my feelings for him would grow more favourable.

What a waste of my time. And his.

“Please don’t ever contact me again.” I stepped back, feeling strangely and jubilantly powerful in this moment. “Goodbye, Clarence.”

To the fae, who was looking far more lively as he watched this exchange with amusement in his eyes, I added, “Don’t do it, babe.”

“Oh, I wasn’t going to anyway.” He gave me a warm smile. “I was actually just waiting to see if he’d remember already hitting on me a few months ago in Fauntastic Foods. When I told him to get lost.”

Clarence’s cheeks went ruddy as I gaped at him in disbelief.

“Bet it’s hard to keep track when you’re doing it so often, right?” I asked him dryly, then shook my head and turned to leave just as the fae did the same with a derisive snort.

“I was just—It was just because you were gone so long in the bathroom!” Clarence blurted.

The fae and I both slowly turned back around at the same time.

“Excuse me?” he said. “You really think that means you’re entitled to hit on someone else while on a date?”

Again, I ignored that little voice in my head reminding me that I had, in fact, fucked someone else on our date. Heat flooded my face. Neither of them needed to know that.

“I’m a sexual being!” Clarence gestured at himself. “There is so much fire in these loins, I just… It must be unleashed. It’s too much for one man,” he declared dramatically, then turned to me with a wheedling expression. “Niko, my little incu-baby, I just thought we might enjoy spending our first night of passion together with a third—”

“Oh my gods, you are so gross,” the fae gritted out as I physically recoiled, my lip curling with disgust. To me, he said, “Hon, do you want to go get a drink? Together? Away from this creep?”

I nodded quickly, but found myself glancing back at the door I’d just come through. If B. Were had given any indication that he was interested, or wanted to see me again, I would’ve already been striding back into that locker room and asking if he wanted to go home with me. Fuck me again at least twice. Maybe cuddle a little in bed after. Stay the night. Let me make him breakfast.

But he’d barely said a word to me after we were done, standing there in stoic silence, so… I guessed that answered that.

And I had no reason to be surprised. I already knew I was unlovable. Fuckable? Yes. Of course.

Loveable?

Apparently not.

But I was an incubus. And I evidently had terrible, terrible taste in men. So what did I expect?

***