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Grabbing the footstool, I dragged it closer and perched my ass on it right in front of him. “Okay, kitten. Can I take a look?”
“There’s no point,” he said miserably. “It’s just stuck on there. Because of the sex magic.”
My brow quirked. “Well, maybe it’ll loosen up a little if we kind of wiggle it.”
“But it hurts.” He gazed at me plaintively.
“It’s not gonna hurt any less if it stays on there,” I said firmly, then reached for the pumpkin. “Let me see if I can…”
Settling my hands on either side of it, I gave a very gentle tug. Rafe lurched up to shove my shoulder, eyes widening.
“No!”
“Okay.” I quickly let go and raised my hands, then rubbed my cheek as I frowned at it thoughtfully. “Hmm. Maybe there’s something on the box that will help.”
“There isn’t,” Rafe mumbled, slumping back and closing his eyes, brow creased with discomfort.
I gave his thigh a gentle rub in sympathy, then stood to go back into the kitchen and grab the box. My mouth spread into a wide grin as I took in the name of the product, the Headless Horseman Cocksucker, and I glanced over at the living room door, raising a brow. I was kind of impressed Rafe had bought this, actually.
And very flattered.
Spinning the box, I scanned the text on the back, suppressing a snort.
“Did you see this bit at the bottom?” I asked Rafe as I wandered back into the living room holding the box. “It says, ‘The Headless Horseman wants your cum, and he won’t stop until he gets it!’ So maybe you have to—”
“I can’t come like this!” Rafe burst out, gesturing at the pumpkin head. “It just hurts because it’s too fucking tight! It’s malfunctioned or something. I read online that fucking Doctor Whatever is a quack and her products go wrong a lot. Especially the… this one.”
“Right, right.” I was still looking at the box with intrigue. “It also says, ‘Once you fill his COCK-HUNGRY mouth and give him what he wants, he’ll give you a special surprise!’ Ooh, what do you think the surprise is?”
“Dan!” Rafe burst out. “I don’t fucking care what the surprise is!”
“Hold on, there’s a customer service number at the bottom.”
He paled. “I can’t—I can’t tell a complete stranger that I have a pumpkin stuck on my dick.”
Sighing, I lowered the box to give him a stern look. “You can survive an embarrassing two-minute conversation if it means getting the pumpkin off your dick, Rafe.”
He covered his face with his hands. “Fuuuck.”
“Okay, don’t stress, baby.” I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialled the number. “I’ll do it. I’ll just say it’s me.”
I gave him a reassuring grin as I lifted the phone to my ear. He groaned and tipped his head back, covering his eyes with his forearm.
“Doctor Otticker Sexlie Richard-Regina customer service,” a voice chirped down the phone a few seconds later. “You’re through to Sandy. How can I help you today?”
“Hey there, Sandy. How are you doing?” I asked conversationally, then decided to hurry things along when Rafe lifted his arm to shoot me an incredulous look. “Uh, actually, Sandy, probably best to just get right to it. I’m having a little bit of trouble with one of your products.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that!” she said brightly. “What seems to be the problem?”
“Well.” I rocked back on my heels and chuckled. “Sandy, there’s currently a pumpkin head stuck on my dick. Sorry—penis,” I amended to be polite.
“I’m sorry to hear that!” she repeated just as cheerfully. “Now, would that be the…” I heard her tapping on a keyboard. “Headless Horseman Cocksucker?”
“That’s the one,” I said brightly, unable to resist giving Rafe a sly grin. “The Headless Horseman Cocksucker.”
He cringed and covered his eyes again.
Deciding to give him a break, I wandered back into the kitchen and told Sandy, “It started getting really tight while I was using it, then it tightened up so much that I can’t get it off.”
