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“It doesn’t have to be a toy.” Nev grabbed my wrist and dragged me over to a display of leather accessories. “What about a thong? Or a harness or something?”
“I’m not into the leather stuff,” I said quickly. “Or thongs. I’ve never worn a thong in my life, Neville.”
“Me neither, but I bet you’d look great!” he said chirpily, holding up a minuscule scrap of shiny green fabric. “This would go with your eyes!”
“I am not buying a thong because it matches my eyes, Nev,” I said blankly, taking the underwear from him and putting it back. “Seriously, man, I don’t want anything. And I really can’t be late for work.”
“You won’t be!” He huffed in exasperation. “We have loads of time, dude. Let’s at least look around. Embrace the queerness, bro.”
“I will,” I said defensively. “I totally will. But I only realised I was queer, like, three days ago. Give me a chance.”
“I’m too impatient.” He pouted, then perked up and reached for a paddle covered in silver studs. “Ooh, this is pretty.”
“I don’t want a paddle,” I said. Nev pouted again and set it down, then went to reach for a whip. “I don’t want a whip either. Or handcuffs,” I added when he diverted his attention to those.
“No problem, bro,” he said, not deterred by my unwilling demeanour. “We’ll keep looking.”
I glanced helplessly at the time on my phone. “Nev…”
“Oh my god. No way. This is perfect.”
I looked up as he strode over to a display of what looked like Halloween-themed toys. There was a vibrating witch’s broom, fake fae wings covered in a subtle, shimmery dick pattern, butt plugs with werewolf tails attached and…
Oh my god.
No. No no no.
“No,” I blurted when Neville turned to face me with a delighted grin on his face, brandishing the pumpkin head with a cock sleeve for a mouth. “No way. No fucking way, Neville.”
“But it’s a…” He peered down at the packaging. “Headless Horseman-themed masturbatory aid. It’s perfect! Ooh, and it has two sleeves. One in the mouth, one in the neck hole—”
You could fuck its neck hole?
“No,” I repeated, emphatically shaking my head. “Nope. Put it down. We’re leaving.”
“Let me buy it for you!”
I blanched. “No. I do not want a headless horseman pumpkin head sex toy.”
Nev grunted, spinning it in his hands. “But it’s not like it’s—”
“No.”
“It could help you come to terms with—”
“No.”
“It’s on sale!” He gasped and pointed at a yellow sticker. “Half off! That’s a steal, Rafe.”
“Nev.” I scrubbed a hand down my face and looked around, feeling self-conscious when I realised we were the only customers in here. The fae behind the counter—who I was pretty sure I’d seen leaving Ewen’s place in the past—was smacking his gum and watching us with a bored expression. I cringed. “Can we please go? It’s way too fucking early to even be in a sex shop. It’s, like, ten a.m. And I need to go home and get ready for work.”
“Are you sure you don’t want it?” To my mortification, Neville held the pumpkin head sex toy in front of his own face and lowered his voice to a slow southern drawl. “You could pretend it’s a certain cowboy neighbour of yours.”
“I’m leaving.” My face on fire, I turned for the door, and promptly smashed my forehead into one of the floating shelves, causing several werewolf-themed dildos with big knots to bounce off my face and fall to the floor. “Ow! Fuck!”
“Oh shit.” Nev hurriedly put down the pumpkin head. I could hear him trying not to laugh as he asked, “You okay?”
“Oh my gosh, hon, are you alright?” The fae from behind the counter was hurrying over, and fresh heat rushed to my face as he placed a delicate hand on my shoulder and peered at me. My forehead smarted under my palm.
