Page 38

I hadn’t been in a fuck buddy type situation since my early twenties, but this wasn’t that either. This was a surreal, probably ill-advised arrangement that was definitely going to get messy. For me, at least. Larkin would be fine when it ended.

I’d be a wreck. I already knew it.

I wasn’t typically one for casual sex. I liked being with someone, getting to know all of them, spending time together outside of fucking. I liked the dinners spent anticipating what might follow, the lazy and relaxed mornings after, the boring stuff like going grocery shopping together, and just watching TV and cooking for someone other than myself.

Those things wouldn’t ever happen with Larkin. I was slowly coming to terms with it, trying to force myself to be in the moment and enjoy what I could have with him.

I was trying not to worry about what would happen to me when he decided he didn’t need any more “sex lessons.” That was a problem for the future, and while I was a habitual forward-thinker, if I let myself start obsessing over this thing’s inevitable end, I was going to fuck up the tiny scrap of Larkin I was being offered right now. Even though I knew this was eventually going to hurt worse than possibly anything else, I also knew I’d always regret messing up my one chance to experience the parts of him I never thought I’d get to witness.

“So.” Ludo had got through his set while I was lost in thought, so I quickly helped him lift the barbell onto the rack. “Who is it?”

I huffed and grabbed my water bottle. “It’s… nothing.”

Ludo frowned, standing up and wiping down the bench before we moved away from it so the young orc could hurry forward to claim his turn. “You don’t want to tell me?”

I sighed. Ludo was one of my oldest friends. We’d met shortly after I’d moved here about ten years ago. My parents still lived in the next town over, so they weren’t far and I saw them often, as well as my two sisters and their kids.

“It’s just a weird situation, man,” I told him. “It’s… not serious. So.”

“That’s not like you.” We made our way over to the rowing machines to finish our workout with some cardio. Lowering his voice, Ludo asked, “Are they human? Is that why it can’t get serious?”

It was rare for supernaturals to form long-lasting relationships with humans. It required an incredible amount of trust to confide something so strange and possibly difficult to grasp in a human so that you could form a true, honest relationship with one. Holt and Taylor’s situation was unique, and it was just lucky that Taylor had been so understanding. Telling a human we existed put the entire community at risk.

I didn’t like lying, and I really didn’t want to lie to Ludo, but this was an easy excuse. “Yeah. They’re human.”

Ludo stopped and looked at me. Werewolves latched on and bonded strongly with each other, especially if we were away from our familial packs. The two of us were close—close enough that he could tell something was up.

“I don’t think that’s actually it, but if you don’t want to talk about it right now, that’s okay, man.” He squeezed my shoulder. “I’m here if you change your mind.”

“Thanks.”

“Don’t let them mess your head up.” His brows drew together in concern. “You’re a sensitive guy, Seb, and you feel things strongly. Don’t make me go and kick some turd’s ass if they make you feel like shit.”

I huffed in amusement, patting his side. “I can handle it.”

I didn’t think I actually could, but I wasn’t willing to stop. I needed more of Larkin. More time with him, more chances to see him desperate and pleading and shivering with pleasure, knowing I was the one to make him feel like that.

We finished up our workout and showered, then parted ways as Ludo headed off to his construction job—a family-owned business, run by his uncle—while I made my way to the club.

It had been two days since our impromptu “second lesson” at work, and I was already getting tense and impatient to have Larkin again. Show him something new.

Maybe show him how well I could suck him off this time. Slowly, drawing it out until he was a shivering, panting mess. Feeling him come in my mouth, knowing I was taking a part of him that he could never take back. I tried not to think too hard about the fact that I was going to be his first for pretty much everything, because I didn’t think he cared all that much about that. He was just concerned with getting it all out of the way. It wouldn’t mean anything to him. This was all just a means to an end.

Holt had told me that he planned to take some time off this week to be with Taylor as much as possible before he officially started his new role as Goliaths’ marketing manager. He’d asked if I wanted to take the week off, seeing as he wouldn’t be around much, but I’d refused. I mean, my job was pretty redundant already when it came down to it—Holt definitely didn’t actually need a bodyguard. I was fairly sure he only had one for the image it portrayed—but my main motive for coming to work while he wasn’t even there was because I didn’t want to go that long without seeing Larkin.

I didn’t want to risk him deciding he was ready to try out his new skills on one of the wrestlers.

Holt had been popping in and out of work erratically since Tuesday. He’d left Larkin a list of stuff to do, and I’d never appreciated my boss more. I’d grown tense when I found out that Holt and Taylor would be off for the majority of the week, convinced that Larkin would just go and hang out backstage with the wrestlers as much as possible while the boss wasn’t around.

But he hadn’t. He’d stayed in the office. I didn’t think he’d actually been working all that much—a few times I’d gone and sat in there with him, and he’d either been playing on his phone or we’d ended up talking casually.

As much as I told myself not to, for my own sake, I found myself talking to him more. Laughing and joking with him. Getting closer to him in that way was a bad idea. It was just going to make this all so much more painful when it ended, but I couldn’t help myself. I loved talking to him. He was funny and sweet and a little clueless about some things, but not unintelligent. He just didn’t know much about stuff that didn’t already actively interest him, but he was eager to learn new things.

And honestly, I could just listen to him talk for hours. It didn’t matter what it was about. Gaming, his little brother pissing him off, what he’d had for dinner the night before, the weird bug his dad had brought in from the yard, the kooky customer his mom had told him about who’d gone into her shop. I just liked his voice. I liked hearing him be so animated about everything. He was so energetic. Full of life.

It made sense that he wanted to experience everything he could, not just in terms of life, but sex specifically. That was just who he was. And he was still young. He didn’t want to settle down and get serious at his age. Some people never did, and that was perfectly fine.

I did, though. I wanted serious. I wanted simple and quiet and uncomplicated. It was my problem alone that I wanted it all with him, and it would be unforgiveable of me to start trying to turn our arrangement into something he hadn’t intended it to be, especially when he’d been so upfront about what it was. There were no false pretences here. No empty promises. The nature of what we were doing had been clearly laid out from the start in unmistakable terms.