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I took a few steps closer, still standing in the space between the bar and the ring, which seemed so much bigger when the arena was empty. It was cold and dim in here, only a single spotlight illuminating the wrestling ring.
“Wh-what…” My voice was rough as I held up the piece of paper. His eyes darted to it as he walked unsteadily down the steps, throat bobbing. “What does this… What do you mean, Lark?”
He stopped a few feet away, fiddling anxiously with his poorly knotted tie. Part of me wanted to comfort him, but I was too stunned. I couldn’t think clearly. I’d been squashing down that fragile hope for so long now that if I let myself feel it in full but had got this all wrong, it would shatter me completely.
“I don’t want anyone else,” Larkin blurted hoarsely. I stopped breathing entirely. “I don’t want to be with anyone else. I don’t want to do any of the stuff I… I talked about when I asked you to—I don’t want to just keep having lessons with you, Seb.”
“What…” I struggled to get any words out as my throat convulsed. “I…”
“They’re not just lessons to me anymore, Seb,” Larkin croaked, gazing at me with those big eyes. “They’re… I just want them to be… me and you. I want it to be me and you. Properly.”
I almost staggered back a step, reeling with shock. “But I-I thought…”
“I realised a while ago that I didn’t actually want to do any of the stuff I’d talked about.” He grimaced slightly. “The thought of being with someone else feels so wrong. But being with you is… amazing. All of it. I want all of it. Not just, um, the sex and stuff. The rest. I want us to… b-be together. If you want to.”
He squirmed, flushing dark blue, and rushed out, “But I understand if you don’t. I know that wasn’t what you agreed to. I know you were just helping me out. But I… had to try. Asking, I mean. I had to try asking you.”
“Larkin.” My mouth trembled. “It was never just helping you out for me.”
His eyes flared with nervous hope. “What… what do you mean?”
“I’ve always wanted you,” I admitted hoarsely. “Always. Since the first moment I saw you.”
His throat hitched as he took a tiny step closer. “Really?”
“Yes.” My breath shuddered out of me. It felt like I’d just lanced a festering wound that had been paining me for a year and a half.
Larkin’s lips trembled a little as he inched closer again. “Why didn’t you… tell me?”
I let out a weak laugh. “Because it wouldn’t have worked then—you and me. You didn’t really know me, and you weren’t interested in anything like…” I shook my head and gave him a wobbly smile. “But it’s okay. I didn’t mind waiting. It was worth it. I would’ve waited even longer, Larkin.”
“Seb,” he choked out, taking a final step to bury himself against my front, tucking his face into my neck. I made sure not to crinkle the piece of paper as I wrapped my arms around him, pressing my lips to his hair.
“Does that mean you… want to?” he mumbled. “Be with me?”
“Yes.” My voice came out steadier this time, but still thick. “That’s all I want, Larkin.”
He lifted his head to gaze up at me. “I don’t want anyone else.”
A sense of calm stillness settled in my bones. “Neither do I.”
His chin wobbled. “I’m sorry for asking you to be my fuckletics instructor. That was so… thoughtless of me.”
“It wasn’t.” I smiled at him, lifting my free hand to cup his chin. “You didn’t know.”
He let out a tiny sob and blubbered, “I really didn’t. I had no idea. Wh-why didn’t you tell me?”
I suddenly couldn’t stop smiling, even as I said, “Because I didn’t think you’d ever be interested in a boring old wolf like me.”
“Shut up,” he croaked, wrapping his arms around my neck. “You’re not boring or old. You’re amazing. You’re, like… the best person ever. Honestly, I don’t really get why you… w-want me.”
“I told you the other night.” I pulled him closer. “And I told you not to ever doubt it.”
“So you’ve really…” He faltered, voice hoarse and mouth trembling as he gazed up at me. “This whole time?”
“Yes.” Fuck, it felt so good to say it. For him to know.
But guilt flooded Larkin’s eyes before he lowered his gaze. “And then I came and asked you for that… stupid fucking arrangement. God, I feel like such a dick.”