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“This isn’t just my personal life though.” I gazed at him anxiously, chewing on my lip. “He’s a client.”
Hustin pursed his lips. “Look, sweetie, I get it. But… well, I think a large part of why she’s so strict about this stuff is because of her ex’s affairs. And I know it’s been a while now since they dissolved their matehood, but I think that wound is still just a little too fresh.”
“Oh. God, yeah, of course.” Now I felt even worse. “But I thought she found out about his affair last year? She’s had this rule for years. Since I joined.”
“She did, but she had suspicions for years. His massage therapist, his company’s HR manager, their housekeeper… Eventually she caught Gorig in the act with his secretary and it was the final straw.” Hustin reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “This isn’t like that, Anita. You haven’t done anything wrong. You were just… overcome with desire. Which, I mean, who can fucking blame you? Look at him.”
“Hustin,” I said weakly.
“Okay, sorry. In all seriousness…” He squeezed my hand again. “You really haven’t done anything wrong, but that doesn’t mean you should tell Corva. There’s no point. It’s already happened, and if he isn’t going to say anything, there’s nothing to gain from telling her.”
“I’d feel better about myself,” I mumbled. “Maybe.”
He huffed. “You have no reason to feel bad about yourself! So you’re attracted to someone who just so happens to be a client at the moment. He won’t always be a client. And you can’t control who you’re attracted to.”
That was true. In six months, var Rorik wouldn’t be a client anymore.
My thighs clenched together under the table. Would he be interested in having sex again once the event was over?
No, surely not. Surely he wouldn’t be willing to wait, nor was he likely to even still be interested in me in six months. He would’ve moved on by then, found someone else to spread out over his desk and tongue-fuck into oblivion.
I already kind of hated that hypothetical person.
“Okay, I can’t control who I’m attracted to, but I can control myself.” I clenched my jaw. “It’s not exactly hard to not have sex with someone.”
Hustin shrugged. “Obviously not in this case.”
“Yeah, and I don’t understand why! I don’t even really like him. He’s an arrogant ass. He’s so full of himself. He’s ridiculously competitive, and he’s… He…”
“Does he have a nice dick?” Hustin asked slyly. Heat flooded my face.
“Yes,” I admitted stiffly, then found myself adding, “And he, uh, goes to the gym a lot, so… he’s pretty jacked.”
Hustin’s eyes fluttered shut as he took a moment to absorb that.
“So he’s a successful, competitive gym rat with a six pack and a nice dick.” He shrugged and picked up his drink. “Honestly, he sounds perfect for you. Why don’t you like him?”
“I don’t… dislike him.”
Hustin’s mouth twitched as he sucked from his straw, eyeing me. “Okay, well. I guess we’ll just see what happens.”
“Nothing else is going to happen,” I said quickly, finally digging into my salad even though I wasn’t hungry. Through a mouthful of lettuce, I added, “I told him it can’t happen again.”
“Oh, honey.” Hustin shook his head, picking up his garlic bread and taking a big bite.
I didn’t realise how much my talk with Hustin had helped until we got back to the office after lunch and I was able to tell Corva I’d finished the seating plan for the NADC event without soaking through the underarms of my shirt.
He was right. There was nothing to gain and a lot to potentially lose from telling her something that couldn’t be taken back and, realistically, wasn’t going to amount to anything. I trusted that var Rorik wouldn’t say anything. The odds of someone filming us from the building opposite, then posting it online, then both of us being identified and it getting back to Corva were incredibly slim. No one but Lipa had seen me go into var Rorik’s office, and she’d been long gone by the time the… desk incident happened.
We were safe. It would just be… our little secret. Plus Hustin’s. Except thinking of it as a little secret between me and var Rorik was confusingly hot in its own right. Like a switch had been flipped in my brain and now I just regarded literally anything to do with him as being hot.
Even the thought of him sitting at his desk and typing out that email this morning was hot. He’d been thinking about it. He’d been sitting at The Desk and thinking about what he’d done to me on it. He’d made a subtle insinuation in his email that he wanted to do it again.
Really, it felt almost like a betrayal to my vagina to deny him that honour. But I had to be strong. I had to maintain the professional boundary from here on out.
Guvi, the events manager at the Basalt, called me back just as I was sitting down at my desk. Seeing as we worked together so often, she said she’d fit us in for a viewing tomorrow at eleven. I jumped at the opportunity, but clarified that it would depend on the client’s schedule and that I’d get back to her as soon as possible.
Then I finally replied to var Rorik’s email, trying not to think too hard about the flutter in my stomach as I started typing.