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Monique’s eyes were huge. “Wha…what do you mean?” she asked softly.

He squeezed his eyes tightly closed as memories suddenly cascaded through his mind. He had spent the last four years trying to forget. But now, the memories and the trauma rose up to the surface, and he realized he wanted…needed to talk about it.

“Lauren and I were high school sweethearts,” he began. “We got married right after I joined the police force. Almost immediately she got pregnant with our daughter, Lily.”

The utter joy of the moment of birth had been something he had never felt before and would never feel again. He and Lauren had laughed and cried together as baby Lily burst into the world.

He opened his eyes and stared at a point just over Monique’s head as the pain of his past seared through him, quickly erasing that particular memory of joy.

“Lauren was a high school teacher, but when Lily was born, she quit her job to be a stay-at-home mom, which was fine with me. Lily was the cutest, smartest little girl in the entire world. She loved the color pink and giggling and her mommy and me.”

His pain made him half breathless, and tears burned at his eyes as he thought of the woman who had loved him so fiercely and the little girl who had held his heart.

Lily had been a daddy’s girl and had believed he was the very bestest daddy in the whole wide world. “When I’d come home stressed from the job, Lily would always put her hands on either side of my face, and she’d tell me to be happy.”

He swallowed against his impending tears. “We were so very happy together,” he continued. “Lauren was trying to get pregnant again, my job was going well, and Lily was thriving.”

He paused a moment as the anguish inside him threatened to overwhelm him. He drew in several deep breaths and then continued.

“It was my birthday, and more than anything I wanted Lauren to bring Lily to have lunch with me at the station. Lauren was tired and really didn’t want to come, but I talked her into it.”

His heart banged against his ribs as a killing guilt coupled with deep anguish tortured him. He leaned forward and buried his face in his hands. “It was my fault. It was all my fault. If I hadn’t insisted that they come to the station, they would still be alive today.”

He sensed Monique getting off the couch and coming to kneel beside his recliner. Thank God she didn’t touch him, for if he felt her soft, caring touch, he would have completely crumbled.

“I was sitting at my desk inside the police station waiting for them to arrive when I heard the crash outside. It was a horrid sound of twisting metal and breaking glass. Somehow in that moment, I knew they were gone. The drunk driver was a twenty-three-year-old female. They believed she was traveling at a little over seventy miles an hour when she hit Lauren’s car head on. Nobody survived.”

Nobody survived. When he’d been told that, he had gone wild with grief. His entire world was gone…shattered in a young woman’s bad decision to drive drunk and Jacque’s selfish desire to see his daughter. “I killed them. If I hadn’t insisted on them coming, they would still be alive today.”

Monique placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Oh, Jacque, I’m so very sorry for your loss.” To his surprise, her tender voice soothed some of the raw edges inside of him. “You didn’t kill them, Jacque, and you shouldn’t burden yourself with that kind of guilt.”

He sat back up and gazed at her. Her eyes held a wealth of emotion…sorrow for him, an abundance of care and something else…something that he couldn’t quite discern.

“I barely remember the days immediately following the wreck,” he admitted. “I was in a black hole, and things only got blacker when it was discovered that at the time of her death Lauren was three and a half months pregnant with a baby boy. I had a feeling she’d intended to tell me the joyous news for my birthday that night after work.”

“Oh, Jacque, my heart positively breaks for your loss.” Tears filled Monique’s eyes and tracked down her cheeks.

He reached out and used his thumbs to wipe away her tears. “Don’t cry for me, Monique.” His grief slowly eased, as if her tears were washing it away. “This all happened a long time ago, and I’ve come to terms with it.”

“Still, my heart breaks for you,” she replied softly. “I can’t imagine the pain you’ve been through, and that hurts me for you because I love you. Jacque, I’m in love with you.”

He stared at her in horror. This was the very last thing he’d expected, and it was the very last thing he wanted. For a long moment he was completely speechless.

“Did you hear me, Jacque? I’m madly in love with you, and I believe you are in love with me. If you are, we could build a new happiness together. Jacque, you deserve to be happy again. You deserve love and laughter in your life. Lauren and Lily would want you to be happy again.”

“Stop,” he snapped. “I don’t want to hear anymore.” He averted his gaze, unable to look at her. “First of all, I don’t do love. I swore to myself when Lauren and Lily died that I would never fall in love again. I want to protect you, and I enjoy your company, but I’m not in love with you.”

He looked back at her in time to see her eyes once again well up with tears. “Haven’t you punished yourself enough?” she asked softly. “For the last four years, you’ve punished yourself for a crime you didn’t even commit. You didn’t kill them, Jacque. A drunk driver killed them, and that driver was the guilty person, not you.”

“How could you say you love me? What’s to love? I’m a miserable bastard who doesn’t deserve love,” he replied roughly.

“You are so much more than that,” she protested. “Jacque, you are warm and caring, and if you were really just a miserable bastard, I wouldn’t love you like I do.”

“Stop saying that.” Her words of love ached inside him. Especially since he couldn’t…wouldn’t love her back. To his relief, she got up from the floor next to him and returned to the sofa.

“I… I’m sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t have said anything…and I won’t speak of it again,” she said softly.

God, he’d killed his wife, and now he had hurt Monique. He got up from the chair, needing to get away…needing some time to breathe and recenter himself.