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Power Play

Page 143

by Amy Briggs

“The watch,” she said, finally, not to me, to the page. Her voice had turned careful, as it only ever did with me. “At Christmas. Katya told me, after. The watch you gave Iris. It only had two numbers in it. Dad. And me. She said you told Iris to use it whenever she wanted, and there were two numbers, and one of them was mine, and you never mentioned it.”

“There was a third field,” I said. “For Katya. I left it empty. Wasn’t my call to fill it and she never asked me to.” I put my finger on the page, on the second name. “Same two names. I didn’t do it to make a point. I did it because when I sat down in March to write who gets my daughter if the school calls and I’m on a plane, there were two people on earth I’d pick, and I’d already picked them, and one of them was asleep in my casita not knowing it.”

Iris reached across and put a banana piece on the forms, generously, in case they were also sad.

“There’s one more thing,” I said, “and I need you to hear it out before you do anything with your face, because you organize your face faster than anybody I’ve ever met and I need the real one for this.”

“Okay,” she said, very quietly.

I talked more then than I’d talked all year, because it had finally broken loose, and a man who spoke three words at a time had to get it all out at once when it came or it went back down.

“You know about the clause,” I said. “I told you the first week of January, right here at this island. The no-trade. The money I left on the table. Edmonton, and the two-year-old asleep on my chest, and the promise I made her that I’d never move her again. All of it true. What I did wrong was let you walk out of that kitchen thinking it made two people safe. Me and Iris. A man who made himself a thing a team can’t trade, for a little girl, and stopped the sentence there.”

It landed on her as I’d known it would, because she was the one who did the math.

She’d done it the first morning, on my porch, running numbers she didn’t want me to catch her running. She’d done the math about me since the night she looked me up on her couch and tallied the age and the shoulders and the size of me on her phone until she closed the tab. She’d done math about me every day since August, in a reasonable voice, from the edge of the rug.

Now she was doing different math, and she got to the bottom of it in front of me.

“In January,” she said slowly, “you told me you were protected in Arizona. That you weren’t going anywhere. And I heard it as—” She stopped. Her hands had come off the table. “I heard that you were safe and Iris was safe and there was nobody in the sentence who was me.”

“I know you did. I watched you take it well and I went to bed thinking I’d fixed something.” It was the one true failure of my year, and I said it flat, because she deserved it flat. “I didn’t fix anything. I fixed it just now. The man who made himself unmoveable for a two-year-old is not going anywhere, Delaney, and the sentence has you in it. I didn’t say it in January because I was a coward with a clause. I’m telling you now with the clause doing the only work it was ever for.”

She had both hands pressed over her mouth, and her eyes were going, and she wasn’t organizing anything.

“So here’s the word,” I said, “because you told me in this kitchen on the eleventh that there’s a word for what this is, and which one of us says it first makes no difference to anybody on earth. You’re right that it makes no difference to anybody on earth. It makes a difference to me. I wanted to be the one who said it, so I waited out a seven-game series to say it in daylight with my daughter at the table and both of us sober. Stay. Not as staff. Not for a job, there isn’t one. Keep writing at four in the morning, lamp to the wall. I’ve known about it since the fall and I’ve never once wanted you to stop. Be family. Be on the forms, be in the sentence, be the second name. Here, in Arizona, where I can’t be moved. As my partner.”

I’d said it first, on purpose, in daylight.

Iris looked up from Gerald with a banana piece halfway to the dragon’s mouth. “Is D going to live here when I’m five?” she said, as she’d been asking it for months, lobbing it at the room.

“Ask her,” I said. “She’s right there.”

Delaney took her hands off her mouth. She turned to my daughter, and her voice came out wrecked and warm and completely steady at the same time, the teacher voice, the one that assumed a kid could take the sentence uncut.

“Yes,” she said. “I’m going to live here when you’re five. And when you’re six. I checked the forms. I’m on all of them.”

Iris absorbed this as roughly equivalent in weight to the banana situation. “Good,” she said. “Gerald wanted to know.” Then she climbed down and left to inform him in private, which was going to take a while.

Then it was the two of us in a kitchen, with a little girl’s voice carrying up the hall telling a dragon the news.

I got up and crossed to her and brought her up out of the chair by the elbow, onto her feet, which she let me do, which she always let me do. Her face was a mess and I’d never seen anything better.

“Say it to me,” I said. “Not to her. The word.”

“Partner,” she said, and her voice broke over the middle of it, same as it broke on yours in December. “You said it first. You actually said it first. I had a speech ready about how it didn’t matter who said it.”

“I heard the speech. I disagreed with the speech.” I slid my hand into the back of her hair where I always put it, and I tipped her head up. “It mattered to me.”

She got both fists in my shirt and pulled.

“Iris is awake,” she said, against my mouth, which was the responsible objection, and it was the last responsible act either of us managed for a minute.

“She’s briefing the dragon. We’ve got ten minutes and a locked door.” I moved us both back off the open floor, out of the sightline of the hall, and closed my hand around her wrist, the same hand that had cut a banana into seven pieces that morning, and she moved where I put her, and her breath went out against my throat.

I walked her down my hall and I shut the door and turned her against it, and both her wrists came up on their own, and I pinned them over her head with one hand, as I had in December, and got the other under the gray sweater.

“Quiet,” I said, against her ear. “House rules. There’s a child down the hall and a dragon getting a full report.”