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He used to be my entire world, and although I want nothing more than to run into the sunset with him, I can’t deny what’s right in front of me. I can’t ignore how my heart is slamming against my ribs in a bid to get closer to the woman I’m holding at arm’s length.

“The police will be heading over here after they’ve finished ransacking my house.” I settle on, bringing my focus back to the horror crossing over her delicate face. She’s so raw like this, free of anger and spite, and I hate it. Meg deserves to be formidable in her every waking moment, knowing the rest of this campus is beneath her, including me. Her body sways, her hand gripping the doorjamb.

I release her, fisting my hands at my sides before I do something stupid like crowd her into her room and never let go. The hoodie rides high up her thighs as she shifts, and my throat works.

“You should get dressed. They might want to take you down to the station.” Meg’s panic seizes her. Hands trembling, nails digging into her palms, her breathing changes to light pants. Downstairs, a door slams, followed by the heavy tread of boots entering the building. Whether it be police, campus security, or Dean Colt herself, someone is coming, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. As usual, I can’t protect her. Taking a begrudging step back, Meg’s hand shoots out to catch mine, and my eyes widen.

“Will you come with me?” she blurts out. I look down at where her fingers cling to mine, and that’s the moment I feel my heart crush into dust. Every selfish part of me yearns to comfort her, but she doesn’t want me. Not really. I’ve spent years making sure I’m present in her life but not close enough to be relied upon. What a fucking mistake that was. Slowly, reluctantly, I withdraw.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I swallow, lifting that same hand to rub the back of my neck because if she reaches for me again, I don’t know if I’ll have the restraint to pull away twice. “It would draw…unwanted attention.” I watch her features shut down, the fear being locked away as a bitter laugh escapes her.

“And we wouldn’t want my trauma to smear your perfect reputation.” Mock-bowing, Meg starts to retreat into her room, shoving the door closed in my face, but my shoe pushes between the wood and the doorjamb. Catching her by the nape, I force her to look up at me, mentally yelling everything I wish I could say.

My father is the devil reincarnate. If he gets as much as a sniff that I’m falling for you, he’d take you away. He’d throw you to the wolves, he’d see to it you’d never set foot on a lacrosse pitch again because he can’t bear anyone taking our spotlight. Yet, that’s all I want. You to have the spotlight, you to succeed, you to be free and fierce and every beautiful thing you are. My last name is a poison that destroys people. It’s destroying me, it’s slowly killing Cody. I won’t let it touch you too, Meg.

But none of that passes my lips. I stand there in the intimacy of her room, surrounded by clothes tossed onto the floor and her phone forgotten on the desk, scrambling for the words I can say.

“I meant it would draw unwanted attention to you. If Harrison is back, he’ll be watching the media carefully. The last thing you want is to tip him off to my family’s protection.” My eyes sink, the last light within me shriveling up to die. We’re born into the lives we must lead, and those who appear to have it all usually have the least freedom. I’ve never felt that so much as now. Beneath my fingers, Meg’s pulse jumps, her gaze openly roaming my face.

“Do I have your family’s protection?” she breathes. All I can do is stare at her, conveying that she has my protection. Until the last fucking breath leaves my body, she has mine. Movement shuffles down the hall, and our time has thoroughly run out. Taking a step back, the loss of contact is colder than it has any right to be.

“I’ll hold them off for a few minutes,” I vow, doing what little I can in the moment. Leaving Meg standing silent behind me, I force myself to leave before I can make things any worse. Just as I reach the door, Meg speaks again, the thought clearly catching up a second too late.

“Wait. Who was taken?” I pause, half inside the room as my gaze finds her over my shoulder. Every instinct tells me to lie. To give her a few more minutes of ignorance, but the police are visible now, their boots eating up the distance between us. More than that, Meg deserves to hear it from me, not uniformed strangers.

“Laura Hopkins.” I just about see Meg’s face fall as I close the door, turning toward the approaching footsteps with my spine straight and jaw set.

The first officer engages in a few routine questions, asking who I am. His face lights up at my name, asking me to step aside to answer some questions. I agree to answer the questions, but refuse to step aside until Meg appears again, dressed in the oversized hoodie and sweatpants. The material swamps her, making her appear small and sheepish. My chest twists, but I remain stoic as Meg glances at me for reassurance. One single nod is all I can allow.

“We’ll be in touch, Master Calloway,” says the officer who was questioning me, turning to follow his colleagues and Meg down the hallway. My feet follow all of five strides before I run out of steam. I can’t help her through this. I can’t be the hypocrite to make her strong, only to hold her hand and make her dependent on me. I’m not dependable, I’m not even in control of my own life, as the man behind the door to my left knows all too well.

My fist rises, knocking on the wood without even looking. The door opens within an instant, as if Cody was standing on the other side waiting to see if I’d call on him or walk straight on by. No doubt he’s heard the commotion.

For one fractured second, we simply stare at each other. Cody’s hair is sleep-mussed, white strands falling into narrowed grey eyes, his mouth already parting around whatever accusation he’s about to throw at me. He doesn’t get the chance. I cross the threshold and slam into him with enough force to drive him back a step, my arms wrapping around his body before I can stop myself. The door swings shut behind us, and I bury my face against the curve of his neck, breathing him in like he’s the only solid thing left in a world tipping too far off its axis.

Another girl is missing. The thought won’t stop repeating over and over in my mind. A girl whom I permitted to come to my party, who was with Meg, who could have so easily been her. I can’t believe we’re back to square one, with Harrison’s name being whispered across campus and Meg being interrogated by the police with that same haunted look on her face.

The media is going to be relentless, the questions, the fear, the people looking to me for direction when I’m barely holding on by a thread. It’s a wonder I survived the first time, only the determination to see Meg safely home spurring me on. This time, another girl’s name is carved into the aftermath, and I know with certainty that I can’t do this again.

I can’t watch Meg fracture under the weight of her trauma while Cody stands somewhere in the dark, looking at me as if I let the monsters in. Maybe I did. I allowed Meg to become a part of our lives, selfishly guided by my own desire. I let her become a fracture between us, and when she disappeared, I became obsessed with finding her.

I hired PI’s, constantly threatened the police to do better, became addicted to the news coverage, and spent night after night sitting in the stadium, breathing in the cleaned scent of her blood and dodging my father’s calls. I broke night after night, wishing I was there, hating myself for not watching her close enough. Now it’s happened all over again, possibly under my own roof, and I was too self-absorbed to care.

Cody’s hands hover in surprise before they land against my back, hugging me with the same vigor. His fingers curl into my shirt, the pressure of the motion breaking something loose inside me. I lift my head, finding his face through the blur of tears I refuse to let fall, and kiss him hard. Hard enough to bruise, because I can’t care for appearances anymore. All appearances have ever done is make me miserable, scared, and isolated, just as my father intended.

Making a muffled sound against my mouth, Cody surrenders to the fear, hunger, and relief seeping from me like an open wound. His hands slide into my hair, tugging hard enough to hurt, and the pain steadies me more than comfort ever could. Blindly, I push him back until his knees hit the edge of the bed.

We fall onto the mattress, tangled, breathless and desperate, doing what we do best. Hiding behind closed doors, ceasing to exist, finding a place in the darkness to finally belong.

Chapter Eighteen

Walking into the art studio, my steps are light, my chest is full, and I have to clamp down the smile that wants to form on my face. To the rest of the world, I have nothing to be happy about, given Laura’s disappearance.

No one knows that I met her around the back of Everest’s house, snuck her into the music block restroom to dye her hair black, ditched her personal belongings in a bush, and walked her three miles to the bus station, ducking away from every set of headlights that flashed our way.

By the time I put in the blocked call to her roommate to state Laura was gone and is never coming back, ominous I know, it was an excruciatingly long night. I’d barely dropped into bed before Everest’s yelling sounded from the hallway, and next thing I knew, my plan had already come to fruition. His mouth was on mine, he was in my bed, and he didn’t leave.

He’s still there, in the bed where he’d wrapped himself around me, where his mouth was on every inch of my body. It’s been a euphoric forty-eight hours, but for appearances' sake, I’m showing up to class as if nothing has changed.