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Nate steps farther down the bed, stopping at my feet. He adds more oil to his hands, then works on the muscles on the sole of my right foot. Unbelievably, I manage to melt even more. What is this sort of trickery?
“As a kid. Then he left, and we weren’t.”
Wait, what? His words pull me from the lazy stupor he’s lulling me into.
“Your parents separated?”
“He left for work one day and didn’t come back.”
“How do you know nothing happened?”
Parents don’t just walk out on their children. Although, that’s what my dad effectively did when he left me with Nanna. But he’d lost his wife. The love of his life. And I was the reminder left behind, so I can understand that, even if it hurts. It’s a hurt I still can’t shake and continue to carry with me.
The idea of someone walking away and leaving a little Nate behind cleaves my heart in two.
“Mum got divorce papers a month later. He’d found someone else to start a new family with.”
He starts on my other foot, but I can barely feel it as my mind reels from all this new information.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him, a sadness sweeping through me that he had to go through that.
To be left and abandoned by the person who’s supposed to love you unconditionally. I understand and can relate to that. Now I can see more clearly how these four men have bound themselves together and become each other’s families.
“Don’t be. It was his choice.”
“What was your relationship like with your mum?” I ask, feeling brave enough to ask more questions now he seems to be opening up to me. Well, in the minimal fanfare way Nate apparently does.
Strong thumbs push a line up the back of my left calf, and my eyes flutter closed as I sigh in pleasure. It’s a fight to keep my mind from turning into mush.
“Did the best she could.”
He stops at the crease between my leg and butt before moving back down to my knee and up again.
I hesitate, biting on my lip as I fall quiet, unsure where to go after his answer.
Nate sighs. “She blamed me a lot for his leaving. For ruining it so he wanted to start again. Her attention became something I had to earn since she felt I didn’t deserve it.”
“Her attention?” I ask, my brows pinching.
“For kid shit. Hugs, talking or whatever.”
“For her love?” It’s higher pitched than intended, the tone incredulous and sharp.
My heart aches for him. I turn over and sit up. My hand wraps around his wrist, and I try to tug him down beside me. He allows it and drops down. The bed dips, and I tilt into him, keeping hold of his hand as I pull it into my lap.
“Nate, that’s…not okay.”
“Didn’t say it was. Doesn’t change shit, though.”
My mouth opens, then I snap it shut again. This pot of information’s thrown me off so much that I haven’t the words.
“But… What…” I come up empty.
“Not sure why you want to know any of this shit,” he growls. “Mum became someone different. Getting attached to things meant she’d take them away. I had to earn her attention…love…whatever it was, because I wasn’t entitled to it. She did what she did; nothing I can do to change it now.”
“I’m sorry. I wanted to get to know you. I didn’t realise this is where it would go, or that it would be painful for you. I wasn’t—”
His thumb pushes against my lips, cutting off my words. Everything inside me wants to help ease what he went through, to smooth away the pain he had and replace it with the love he should’ve had—love that’s been given freely, without expectations.
