Page 34

Except they wouldn’t be wrong.

I’m waiting for me to break. Maybe I already have.

A plate gets pushed in front of me, and the smell of cinnamon-spiced berries and coconut surrounds me.

“Eat whatever you can, and there’s more if you want it.”

“Thank you, Bry.”

Noah sits on the stool beside me as I lift the first forkful to my mouth. It tastes perfect, just as I remembered, and I can almost go back to that morning and pretend.

“A friend of mine has been working on your case. They gave me details for a doctor who can come and see you. I spoke to her, and she’s able to come by today.” Noah’s words yank me back into reality.

My eyes squeeze shut. I desperately want to block this all out. I know that’s not possible, and I can’t be angry at him when this is what I agreed to. But having someone probing and asking questions…makes it so real.

Something touches my arm, and I flinch so hard I almost slide off the stool.

“I’m sorry,” Noah rushes to say, holding his hands up and away from me.

“No, shit. I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I want to be me again. Feeling so afraid…I hate it,” I croak. My elbows hit the counter and my head drops into my hands.

“Can I…?”

I know what he’s asking. It’s hard to miss the heat of his hand hovering over my back. The fact that he feels he has to ask has another spike of anger curling in my gut.

“Yes,” I reply, too laden under my own emotions to say anything else to reassure him.

“There’s also another thing.” His hand rubs my back softly, offering me the strength I’m struggling to find. “We need to have someone take a statement from you. It can be done here too. Are you okay to do that today? Or I can tell them to come another time?”

The waffle churns heavily in my stomach. Acid climbs up my throat, and I quickly swallow against it.

No part of me wants to relive it, and the idea of saying it out loud gives it more power, more meaning. Everyone will know then. At the moment, their looks are mainly of pity, which is hard enough to keep seeing. If they hear about what happened, what he did to me…

Will that change how they see me even more?

Better to get it over with. The sooner I do, the sooner I can try to push it all down and get on with my life, or what’s left of it.

“I…I’ll do the statement today.”

The rest of the morning passes, crawling by too slowly yet too quickly at the same time, and when the doorbell sounds, my body’s so tight with nerves I’m sweating.

Bry leads a woman in.

There’s no white coat, no name tag identifying her as a doctor. But she feels it all the same. It’s the confidence, the self-assurance. It used to intimidate me and had me wishing I could replicate it.

Now I want to shrink, to become smaller and less visible.

It’s easy to see she’s tall as she steps towards me. Her espresso-coloured hair is in a tight ponytail down her back. Her shoulders are straight beneath her brown double-breasted coat, and she holds a large black leather bag.

“You must be Rosy. I’m Dr Bardet, but you can call me Camille.” She smiles gently. “Noah asked me to attend. I’m a private doctor, and I’ve worked with his acquaintance on many occasions. Is there a room you’d be comfortable talking with me in? You can have someone sit in with us, or if you’d prefer it just be us, then I’m okay with that, too. This is led by what you need.”

It takes a moment to respond. My mind whirls in too many directions to know what I want to do. Decisions. Why do we have to have them in life?

I turn to Nate, who sits beside me, in the hope he’ll make the decision for me. He’s usually so good at that, and I desperately need it now.

“What do you want to do, little tease?”

My throat tightens at hearing his name for me, and I want to sink into everything that’s Nate. But I don’t think I want him there. I don’t want him looking at me differently.