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Normally, when I was confused about something, especially something involving a woman, I’d talk to Lucy. She was my sounding board. My voice of reason. The person who told me when I was being an idiot and what I should do instead.

But I couldn’t exactly ask Lucy what to do about my feelings for Lucy. That was a level of awkward I wasn’t prepared to navigate.

So I was on my own. Flying blind in completely unfamiliar territory.

The lodge appeared through the trees, warm light spilling from the windows. It looked like safety. Civilization. The real world that was waiting to intrude on whatever had just happened between us.

We pulled up to the main building and dismounted. Lucy was already walking toward her cabin, her shoulders hunched against the cold. She didn’t look back.

I wanted to call out to her. Stop her. Make her talk to me right now before she had time to build up walls and convince herself this had been a mistake.

But I didn’t.

She clearly needed time to work through her feelings. She walked like she was trying to outrun her own thoughts. Pushing her right now would only make things worse. I knew her well enough to know when she wanted to be left alone.

I watched until she disappeared into her cabin and the door closed behind her, just in case she happened to look back.

She didn’t.

I headed to my own cabin, feeling like I’d lost something I hadn’t even known I wanted until about five minutes ago. The heat hit me the moment I stepped inside. I’d left it cranked up before we left that morning. It felt almost oppressive. I stripped off my layers, dropping them in a pile by the door, and headed straight for the shower.

The hot water helped. It washed away the sweat and the cold and the lingering smell of woodsmoke. But it couldn’t wash away the thoughts or the sensations of her body against mine. Dammit. Our time in that abandoned cabin had been too brief. I should have kissed every inch of her.

What if that was the only chance I got to be with her? Fate could not be that cruel.

I stood under the spray and replayed every moment, desperately curious about what would happen next.

I toweled off and pulled on sweats, then collapsed onto the bed. I was starving but the thought of traipsing to the lodge did not appeal to me. But what about her? Would she eat? Maybe I should get her something. I’d drop it off and leave.

And now I was making excuses to see her. She was a big girl. If she wanted to eat, she’d get her own food. Maybe she’d bring me food.

I didn’t want the sex to be a mistake. I didn’t want to pretend it hadn’t happened. But I also didn’t know what I actually wanted. If we tried to be something more and it fell apart, what would happen to that? Would she leave? Would I lose her completely?

I couldn’t lose her. That was the one thing I knew for certain. Whatever happened next, whatever we decided to do or not do, I couldn’t lose Lucy.

My phone buzzed on the nightstand. I grabbed it, hoping irrationally that it was her. It wasn’t. Just a text from Sebastian checking in, making sure we’d made it back okay. I typed a quick response, then set the phone aside.

Tomorrow, we’d have to face each other. Hopefully, she’d be willing to talk to me. We had to come up with a next step. Preferably, together.

19

LUCY

Icouldn’t do this. I was a chicken. There was no way I could spend the day watching Jeremy look sexy as sin. When I watched him before, I could objectively say he was attractive. But now, I’d seen the man naked. I couldn’t look at him and not think about his very naked, glorious body. I’d seen him rolling on that condom. Felt his fingers. His lips.

“My God, you’re a fool.”

I finished putting on my makeup and looked at my reflection in the mirror. The woman looking back at me didn’t look guilty. She didn’t look ashamed.

I made a decision. I wasn’t going. Not today. Maybe not ever again to that particular location.

I found Bernadette near the main lodge, checking equipment with her usual efficiency. She looked up as I approached, her expression friendly but focused. I knew that look. She and I had a lot in common. I didn’t realize it until that moment. We both managed Blackwells. Except she had married hers.

Did that mean it could work?

Don’t think like that.

“Lucy. Ready to head out?”