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“Let’s get to business, my boy.” Fuck you. I’m nobody’s boy but I’ll suck it up if the man hands over cash. Shit. I’m a whore.

“Fine by me. Then we can eat the meal we all deserve without anything hanging over my head.” They laugh.

Janel pulls out her iPad and scoots her chair closer. “I want to talk to you about some of the footage Bill has been pulling for us. Liesel, as always, is doing an amazing job of putting you out of your comfort zone.”

Rick says, “That’s what we like best about the dailies so far.”

“I wasn’t sure you’d get it.” And I wasn’t quite sure what the hell I was doing except instinct told me where to follow the story.”

“You drinking at some beach bar in the Seychelles was trash.” Dart to my stomach.

I sit back and ask, “Explain, please.”

“It was the old brand sneaking in when you’ve established from other features that this isn’t about drinking.”

Janel lights up her iPad with the other footage from the Seychelles. I point at it, “I was drunk there too.”

She smiles up at me, “You were connecting. You weren’t drinking to drink. This was spectacular television. This was you listening not trying to say something but relay something. Their culture, that moment in that very specific beauty. We want that.”

My body eases back into the chair and I exhale for the first time since Hawaii. Since her. And then there she is right in front of me. The Seychelles footage morphs into Utah and her face fills the screen. So much more beautiful than I conjure. I instinctively touch the screen and her cheek briefly then remember where I am. I want to tell her that all this is working. I feel really full and grounded. I have a desperate need to blog to her but dinner first.

“Who is this?” Rick taps the tablet and the footage of our hike rolls on. Her hitting me with a stick in the back and us pretending to meditate and chant. But you can see our faces and how we’re both desperately trying not to laugh. Fuck she’s gorgeous and funny.

I look at the two of us and answer honestly. “That’s my fiancée.”

They both rear back a little in surprise and my smile widens. I shouldn’t like saying that or literally watching some of her annoying harpy behavior play out and it making me smile. There’s no way she’s thinking about me the way I think about her. Our posts are all messed up right now. The blog has too much lag now. We had a fight over our mothers that could have been solved in one phone call.

“I had no idea,” the big man says to me.

“It happened just after this shoot. And I had no idea she was going to be there, sorry for including my personal life in the show like that.”

I can’t stop watching as we run to the finish line of our silent hike. Her laughter cackling as she attempts to beat me. The footage is jostled since Bill is running too, but it’s still evident how much fun we were having.

Janel turns it off and my heart deflates a touch. “You misunderstand. This was a bit of great television. Raw and real. Two people being vulnerable and loving. It was downright adorable. Do you think she could come on more of your adventures?” Shit. I’d like that. I know she’s currently traveling somewhere but maybe.

“Maybe. I don’t know. I could ask her, I know she’s busy with work.” I have to pretend I actually know her.

“What does she do?” Rick inquires and I’m going to have to tell him a lie. Because I can’t say, ‘oh, she’s in an RV in Rhinebeck shoving gummi candies into her mouth contemplating what to do with her life. That’s what she does.’

“She’s a freelance photographer.” She should be but I’m pretty sure the Harpy wouldn’t want me to tell her what to do. It’s why I like her the most.

“Impressive.” Not really since I have actually zero idea what she’s doing right now. “And where is she shooting now?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. Been so wrapped up in production we haven’t been able to check in as much as possible. She recently finished up a series in Upstate New York, in the Catskills.”

I have nothing to show them but dirty-faced selfies of her on her sister’s front porch or hiking if they ask to see anything. And I don’t know what the hell she’s doing right now. It dawns on me, she’s been saying nothing specific while I’ve been blathering on about my trip.

“Keep this up. You riding a camel in a desert complaining about your balls is great television but you playing soccer with those kids, or exploring that temple in Jaipur or playing around with your fiancée…”

“Kat.” First time I’ve said her name out loud in a while. “Her name is Kat.”

“Kat.” He nods. “That’s goddamned Emmy, Peabody shit right there. That’s viral bait, keep it up. We’re going to scrap the Florida swamp crap. You didn’t find your new voice yet.” Shit. Now we only have 6 episodes of footage.

Janel says, “Which leaves you an episode short on your contract. Do you have budget or ideas to find two more?”

“Two?”

“The network and our production studio would like a full fourteen episodes. We’ll hold Utah back and put it at the end as a bonus episode because it’s so personal.” Is it? How did they know?