Page 1

Chapter 1

Boss Level Fail

KAT

Staten Island

CHAD: I just can’t.

KAT: What? Just can’t what? Get here soon, please?! My parents like you better.

I pull my shirt down and it pops too far. I pull it back up trying to find the right belly to boob coverage ratio. Just enough to hide and reveal the good and bad stuff. It’s a constant tug and adjust for me. I’m going all caftan, no tugging, all hiding.

KAT: Thoughts on a caftan? I think I could rock it.

CHAD: Can’t. No. I Can’t Kath.

KAT: Ok, no caftans. Kath?

He’s texting me cryptic shit and he’s late. He just got back from a big video game tournament where he speed ran Mario Sunshine. An OG game where you suck up sadness or some shit. He said he did well, and I guess we’ll talk about it tonight.

I finished work early when my parents happened to be in Staten Island. No one just happens to be on Staten Island. I’m still baffled how I got here. I’m on to you, Nan. Mom wants a wedding date from us but he’s just getting his career going.

CHAD: No. You. Can’t. Won’t. Like. And I don’t. Stop.

KAT: Are you having a stroke?

CHAD: Can’t with you. We just want different things. Bye.

KAT: Hold up.

I sit forward and my mother tsks at me for being on my phone. I put a finger up in her face. “Love you. Stop for a moment please.”

She sits back and sips her wine. I clutch my phone and text furiously.

KAT: WTF?

KAT: What’s with the Wet dog? Sweaty puppy? Is the dog crying?

KAT: You know I hate emojis.

KAT: We don’t have a dog.

KAT: Are you there?

KAT: Did you break off our engagement in a text?

KAT: Joke right? Kath does not find this funny.

KAT: Oh shit. You’re serious. I’m here with my parents. NO! You couldn’t wait like two hours. Ugh.

KAT: YOU MOVED ME TO STATEN ISLAND TO DITCH ME HERE

KAT: Damn, that’s cold. That’s sweaty puppy cold.

My mother’s voice knocks me back to reality. “Dear, put your phone down, it’s rude. Will Chad be here soon? People are staring and thinking we’re a family of alcoholics with cocktails and no food.” I turn away from her as she straightens her water glass and refolds my napkin.

“Waiter! Hey. Hi. Hello!” I call out loudly, waving across the room.