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I put the water down and hold her because she’s shaking pretty violently.
“What do you want? You finally have your out.” She pulls out and slides her composure back into place like it’s a tablecloth covering deep scratches in a mahogany table.
“No. Not like this.”
I walk back to her living room and sit down. She takes her place opposite me, sitting literally on the edge of her seat.
“No one can know.” Is all she says.
“Laura, I don’t want anything except for us to be done with this. I’m not telling anyone, but you should. I can’t imagine living with that kind of pressure, the duality of your life.”
Tears form in her eyes. “I did love you. I do love you, but now you understand why I can’t love you.”
“Why this charade of pain and anger?”
“I’m nothing if I’m not a society girl living up to my parents’ expectations.”
I slide next to her and put my arm around her. “Then be something else. I can honestly say seeing you kissing Teddy was the least expected, most outrageous thing I’ve ever seen. And as you know, I’m not one to shy away from outrageous things. Jesus, Laura, isn’t Teddy sick of hiding?”
“And you’re fine with this?” She blubbers out, “I’m so sorry, Tony. If the divorce was your fault, if I made you the monster who wouldn’t give me money, then no one would look closer at me. My parents pushed for all that shit. It was expected, and my father wants to take down yours for that thing that happened in the ’70s.”
“Holy grudge. When my pops got the promotion in our company over your father?” She nods. “He didn’t see that nepo baby shit coming? I work my ass off and am on top of my game, but it’s not like he’s going to promote someone over me. There’s a good chance he’ll can my ass soon if I don’t succeed, but no one will be promoted over me.”
She grins widely. “Nepo baby.”
“Loud and proud, as you should be. But your hidden self has royally fucked me over, you do know that. My entire life, including my love life, is on max scrutiny because of this. That’s the only thing I’m really pissed off about, is all the shit coming on me because of you.” Her face falls and her eyes fill with tears, as they should. She’s fucked up both of our lives.
“I know. I know. It got out of control, and I didn’t know how to stop it. My parents want blood and I just… I’m just so sorry. You don’t deserve any of this.”
“No, I don’t. But why did we fight? If you’re trying to hide, why divorce me? Why not beard it up for a while longer?”
“Teddy wouldn’t be with me if I was still with you. The pressure got too great, and I took it out on you. Then my parents got involved and saw company takeovers and expanding art collections. Basically, everything I asked for in the divorce was so my parents could set me up with their exact life. All that shit is what they wanted for me because it’s what they have. Art, a company, multiple houses, board seats. You didn’t deserve any of it.”
“Jesus, Lore. I don’t give a fuck who you love, but you’ve kept both of us from moving on. You live in a major, modern, progressive city in a time and place when gender, spirituality, and possession are fluid. I don’t understand the fear. But set that aside, you caused pain to people I love because you couldn’t tell me you were gay. We could have come up with a solution together. Your lies screwed us both. And I’m hurt you hid it from me, or anyone. Teddy’s a down chick and you’re lucky to have her. So, go have her and set me free so I can dig out from under all your shit.”
She quickly wipes a tear from her cheek. “I know. I love her, and I always have.”
I sit back and wring my hands for a moment to calm myself down. Then I look up at her and her face is open and vulnerable. “I have one of those myself, and I can’t believe being an unwitting beard for you kept me from her.”
“Let me call her, I can’t tell her specifics because—”
And I realize that no matter what pain kept me from being with Mak since last year can only be a billion times worse for Laura keeping herself hidden. She is keeping herself away from the one she loves, who’s right in front of her, and she still can’t have her.
“Fuck Boston, your reputation, your parents, and the money. I’m guessing you’ve never come out before?”
“Women in my family are raised to be fundraising, Mayflower legacy, gardening club wives, we don’t get to be, you know—”
I whisper, “Say it. I’ll be your safe space.”
She swallows hard and squeezes my hand. “I’m a lesbian.” Her body slumps against mine.
I push her off me and stand up. I face her and open the Ladd Music app and find what I need. I push play and place it on the coffee table. I grab her hand and yank her to standing. She’s laughing through her tears. “Sing it with me now.”
We dance around the room to Diana Ross screaming, “I’m coming out. I want the world to know…” Her face is wet and red, and she’s finally the Laura that I love. The reason I decided to marry her. I never loved her like I do Makenzie, but it was enough. We were great friends who laughed a lot. And she never judged me for being over the top or ridiculous.
We fall down on the couch laughing when the song is over, and she takes my hand.
“You know this is your song too.”