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“Fuck off. I can totally be alone. I’ve been alone in all my marriages.”

He doesn’t laugh. He should. That shit is funny. Instead, he says, “Dude, three times in twelve years. And you were engaged twice more. You don’t know how to be alone. Not since she left you.”

I spit back at my brother, “Says the whipped fucker who’s chasing the same scared tail from Chicago to Boston to New York.”

“Don’t compare my relationship with Sophie to your nameless, faceless marriages.”

“What relationship? She dumps you, you chase her, you’re happy for a minute, and then you become this morose muthafucker all over again.”

He slugs me in the arm.

“What the fuck?” I yell at him.

“Figure your shit out, and I’ll figure mine. But the bet just got amped up, asshole.” He scowls at me and my phone pops off in my pocket. Even if every bone in my body is screaming to get closure or laid tonight with Makenzie Preston, I can win the bet.

Actual Brother (Dax): I’m doubling down on my bet. Makenzie will crack him tonight. He can’t marry her, but sure as fuck will date her.

Brother From Another Mother (Hayden): Agreed. Book it.

Brother In Arms (Colton): Is this a frivolous use of our money?

Actual Brother (Dax): I’ll give mine to the charity of your choice.

Brother In Arms (Colton): Deal. Double it.

Another Brother (Law): {Thumbs-UP emoji/MoneyBag Emoji/Money Bag Emoji}

MotherFucker (Robbie): You assholes are still up? Jesus. I’ve been asleep for hours. And Makenzie Makenzie? Like Paris Makenzie? Like dumped your ass in a text after walking out of your 18th birthday party, Makenzie?

Brother From Another Mother (Hayden): Yes. Makenzie Makenzie.

MotherFucker (Robbie): He’ll be at a chapel in twenty minutes.

TONY: I’M STILL MARRIED. Dumbasses. Double whatever you want. I can’t marry Makenzie.

MotherFucker (Robbie): If anyone can find a way, it’s you, my brother.

Actual Brother (Dax): We said date.

I stomp around in a circle, and I want to fucking kill my brother. Jesus, cut me a fucking break. I deserve one night with Mak that’s not about pain.

He shakes his head slightly, and I lose it. I’m sure I’ll be on some bullshit viral gossip tomorrow, looking like a lunatic.

Flicking my wrists at him, I say, “Seriously, what the fuck is wrong? I’m done with this bet, dear brother. Message received. I marry the wrong women. I like being with someone instead of alone and desperate like you. Laura wasn’t it, and it turned out she’s a boring lay. How the fuck do we know it’s not Makenzie?”

Thank God it’s a casino, and people around us can’t hear me, and no one’s paying attention.

“Get the hell out of my face.”

I cross my arms over my chest like he usually does and cock my head. I’m done being messed with.

Dax tosses his arms in the air. “Dad’s signing papers on Monday to divest you of Ladd Media.”

“What? Why?” My voice is insanely loud and high-pitched. And my entire body has gone icy cold, like I’m in one of those fucked up ice bars.

“Two-fold. He’s done having way too many women on your romantic fallout payroll. And Bugle.”

“Jesus. Bugle again. That tech nightmare was six years ago. I learned that fucking lesson and the division is in the black again. We’re building content, not buying flawed tech.”