Page 78

“Tessa Guare!” I used to train with him and his wife. I was in his wedding. “Let me look. Fuck. Ok. Can you straighten it at all?” Ari steps away with his phone at his ear.

“No. And I can feel it. I know this pain.”

“Ice. Breathe, girl. I’ll get my killer sports med guy to meet you at UCLA. He’ll assess it faster than whoever they have on call. Go to the emergency room and check-in, and I’ll see if he can get you a bed. I got you.”

“Jason, thank you so much. Tell Heidi, hello.”

“Stop. Do as I ask, and we’ll check on you later.” Jason walks away and grabs an office chair to get me to my car. He and Ari put me in the back seat with a garbage bag of ice. Ari’s talking while driving. The volume of pain is too loud. I’m not sure how to form language that isn’t constant screaming. He keeps explaining until I nod.

“Mikey’s at the hospital. He’ll drive your car home. I called Alex.”

“Thank you.” I let go a little and begin to cry. I’m trying to be quiet and hide it.

“Baby doll. Oh. Honey, stop. You’re ok. You’ll be ok.”

“It’s the same. I’ll have to cancel my tour. My townhouse has stairs. How do I navigate that? So much rehab. Shit.”

“That’s a little cart without a horse. Let’s see what it is. But if you want to cry because it hurts, I’ll allow it.”

“I need Alex. Where is he?”

“Mikey’s on it. The office is on it.” I adjust the ice on my ever-expanding knee. “You know I would’ve beaten you.” He’s trying to distract me. I’m grateful.

“You’re the first person in a long time to come close.”

He reaches his hand back to take mine, and I hold on to it for a long time while he drives quietly. “You sit there and be vulnerable. I won’t tell anyone.”

* * *

They whisk me to radiology, and nothing’s broken. Fucking duh. It’s fucking shredded. A couple of hours behind a drape, and I’m finally admitted to a room. The fancy doctor is fantastic and way too tan. I’m staying overnight to decrease the swelling then MRI in the morning. I watched his face as he manipulated it. My range of motion is for shit—time for a big fat Hydrocodone. I’ve dozed off texting Alex at least a dozen times. I’ve called too. No one can find him.

52

Tess

I wake up as Mikey bounds into the room. “Jell-O and juice! It’s what all the cool kids are having.” He eats my Jell-O as I stare out the window. Then he moves to my head, and I let him. He brushes my hair. I’m reminded of when Alex did the same thing.

“Where is he?”

“I honestly don’t know.” He squeezes my shoulders. “He has two interviews, and he’s writing the documentary narrator script.”

“That’s his workload, not an answer. He’s missing. That’s the thing you’re not saying.”

“It is.” Mikey pulls my hair into a ponytail and secures it with a red calico scrunchie. “Do you like it?”

I giggle. “I didn’t know they still made those.” My knee is immobilized, and I can’t run away from his kindness. He’s taking care of me. I’m not good with that kind of behavior. He hugs me, and I’m surprised at how much I need it.

“Are you still in pain?”

“Yes. More drugs needed.”

We play Mad Libs. He keeps drinking water from a giant plastic novelty wine glass and pretending he’s getting super drunk. It passes an hour or two.

“I wish he were here.”

“Don’t you have like seven brothers and their brides?

“I called the closest one. He’s on standby.”