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He repeated the last part to himself as he shook the man’s hand, letting go before he held on for too long.
Gabriel turned from the crowd and walked back to his wife.
“Are you—?” Eleanor started with concern.
“I’m fine,” Gabriel said, too curtly. He regretted it immediately. He tried to soften his tone and swallowed. “We should leave.”
They paused for a moment to look over the crowd, and Eleanor took Gabriel’s hand, squeezing it gently.
Gabriel swallowed again, looking back toward the older man. Perhaps he was a fool for thinking it, but he would risk turning into the cold husk he had seen of his father before his passing in exchange for loving someone so deeply that he might lose himself to the madness.
“Let’s go back to our home, Duchess,” he told Eleanor.
“It still feels weird,” Eleanor admitted.
Gabriel chuckled as they got into the coach together.
He had found a woman he was happy to spend his life with, one he would gladly start a family with, and one with whom he was falling in love.
He wrestled with that as they started on their journey back to his estate. Would he be happy to love until he was turned into his father? He couldn’t put that pressure on Eleanor and destroy her in the process.
Gabriel had vowed never to become like his father, and he would keep that vow. Gabriel was stronger. He would allow himself to love without expecting the same in return. If his heart was broken and his soul shattered, he had the fortitude to continue through life where his father couldn’t.
He never expected to love at all, and now, he did. He loved Eleanor, and he was glad to do so. He would not demand anything in return. To love without expectation was far better than to never experience love at all.
CHAPTER 27
Eleanor shivered. She was not cold, but she felt cold. She and Charlotte had decorated the large hall, and it was beautiful. Two large fireplaces heated the room with roaring fires, and dozens of people filled the hall, all in good cheer, and radiating warmth Eleanor didn’t feel.
“You have outdone yourself,” Gabriel told her. They sat at the head table with Charlotte and her mother at the closest table; her mother wasn’t in her chair but was making her way through the hall, talking with the other guests.
Even his warm words didn’t change what she felt.
“Thank you, Gabriel. And you have outdone yourself with the food and drink. We have enough to feed a small army.”
Gabriel chuckled. “And our guests are going through it as if they are a small army.”
Eleanor laughed along with him, but that still didn’t make her feel any warmer.
The shivers running through her body were the reality of her situation. She was now married to the duke, and her life was now tied to his. She knew that he had no real expectations of her, and she had the book club should she wish to escape her life briefly. She wasn’t trapped, but she couldn’t help but feel that way.
When Gabriel took her hand under the table, it was a welcome gesture, and one that made her want to cry, but it was another reminder that she was falling for a man who had vowed to never become like his father. A man who had married out of duty and nothing else.
Happiness surrounded her, and she didn’t feel it.
“Lord Fairfax,” Gabriel whispered, his words warm in her ear.
Eleanor watched Sebastian approach their table with a drink in hand, and she worried he had come to make a scene.
“Your Grace,” Sebastian said, his warmth strained. “I wasn’t sure that I would be able to make it, but I moved some things around, and I am glad to be in attendance.”
“We are glad to have you here,” Gabriel replied.
He had invited Sebastian as his friend, unsure whether he would attend the reception and even less sure whether it was a good idea for him to. Their relationship was still cordial, but tension bubbled beneath the surface.
“You make a fine couple,” Sebastian said. His jaw tightened, and his eyes narrowed a little.
Eleanor was already overwhelmed, and the last thing she needed was for Sebastian to make a scene, especially when that scene would reveal the true scandal of the marriage.
