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Eleanor took one look at him and gaped before turning her face from him. It was obvious from her red, watery eyes and flushed cheeks that she had been crying for some time.
“You can’t be in here,” she warned. Eleanor quickly wiped her cheek and then her eyes, trying hard to pretend that she hadn’t been crying at all. “Please leave me alone.”
Gabriel didn’t say a word. He walked toward Eleanor, and she brought her legs up onto the chaise lounge, wrapped one arm around her knees, and shrank back from him. He placed the box down on the table beside her without a word, then wandered over to the window to look out.
The garden outside was pleasant, but he really wanted the reflection in the glass.
Eleanor was sitting with her back to him, and she didn’t move for a while. After around a minute, she turned her head enough that she would be able to see where he was out of the corner of her eye without directly looking at him. Then, she carefully opened the box on the table.
She sat with her finger on the box and looked into it for a long time.
There, she let out a sound that was somewhere between a chuckle and a sob.
“Nathaniel?” Eleanor asked, her voice cracking.
“He told me that they might help in times like this,” Gabriel replied. “I wasn’t sure if there was one place that was better than another, but lemon cakes are lemon cakes.”
“I like these ones,” Eleanor admitted. “I’ve tried them before.”
Good, she’s talking, which means she’s thinking reasonably.
“I haven’t eaten,” Gabriel told her. “Do you mind if I have one?”
“You should have more than one,” Eleanor told him. “If I’m left alone with all of these, I won’t fit into the new dresses that Mother purchased for me.”
Gabriel turned from the window and made his way to where Eleanor sat. He didn’t take the chair opposite her but the one beside her so as not to make her uncomfortable by facing her when she had been crying so much.
“Lady Charlotte came to inform me that you were upset,” Gabriel told her as he sat.
“I’m thankful that she did,” Eleanor admitted. “I wouldn’t have these delicious cakes otherwise.”
She lifted the box without looking at Gabriel and held it closer. Gabriel took one. Eleanor did the same, then placed the box back on the table.
“She really wanted to help, but she couldn’t, and I felt sorry for her, even though I was the one who was distraught.”
“Was this because of someone?” Gabriel asked. “You only need to give me a name, and I will pay them a visit.”
“No,” Eleanor moaned. “I wish that it was, or I wouldn’t feel so silly about the whole thing.” She quickly bit into the slice of lemon cake before her sobs returned.
“Then what?” Gabriel asked.
Eleanor was quiet for a while, and he didn’t push her to answer. Finally, she seemed to stir out of her thoughts and talk some more, letting her feet drop back to the floor.
“I’m tired of people deciding who I should be,” she complained. “I don’t feel like I have a right to be complaining about that, especially when I have numerous men interested in me, and I’ve been given such wonderful gifts, but why do they need to tell me who to be if they are already interested in me?”
“Power?” Gabriel suggested. “Protectiveness. Assertiveness. Women are told to be a certain way, but so are men. Perhaps not as directly as women, but there are certain expectations of what it means to be a man, and as long as we all play into that, those expectations will never change. This won’t help, but those who are telling you to be a certain way believe they are helping you, that they are doing you a kindness.”
“No, that doesn’t help,” Eleanor replied before taking another bite of cake. “And I don’t think I help myself either. I know that I need to wed, and I understand why it is important for me to have a family. I want a family, but I know that life is an illusion, and I won’t fall into the trap of looking for it only for my heart to be broken or my spirit to be dashed. That’s what makes this so foolish.”
“What?” Gabriel asked.
“I hate that I have everyone around me telling me what my life needs to be and defining who I am and what my relationships will mean, and then I do the very same thing. I see these men looking for love when they look me in the eyes, and I want to tell them that they shouldn’t bother, and that they must see our relationship as a contract and nothing more.”
“That’s not foolish at all,” Gabriel said. “You are not telling anyone to change; you are only looking for someone who wants what you want. I respect that.”
“You shouldn’t respect someone who has been crying and feeling sorry for themselves for the past four hours. This should be a happy time, and I know you’ve tried to make it that, but it’s not what I want.”
Gabriel moved from his chair to the other side of the chaise lounge, and he took Eleanor by the shoulders.