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“Lots, but since we don’t have a baseball bat or an anti-personnel mine to work with, I’m down with whatever you come up with.”
“Okay, so according to Elspeth, who seems to be the expert in matters like this, we can do a few things.” I stretched around Phil to grab the book and settled it on my lap beside a cracked mirror. Opening to a marked page, I scanned it one last time and then met Phil’s curious gaze. “She suggests doing numerous things. Many don’t apply to us or this situation.” More debris fell down the chimney, but no monster. After seeing its ability to hide behind a damn post, I wasn’t putting anything past this cryptid. Maybe it could squeeze through a hole the size of a pencil like a mouse. Gods, I hoped not. “Most revolve around gathering ingredients first, which means—”
“We have to go outside,” Phil softly supplied.
I bobbed my head. “Yeah, scary as that may be. We need to haul ass to the food cabin and pray there are some jars of old foodstuffs in the kitchen. Then we need to create some pastes out of berries or even old jelly which we can lob at the monster. The idea being that the sticky goo will adhere to its skin, ruining its camouflage ability for a time.”
“Elspeth is amazing,” Phil commented, to which I could only agree.
“Yeah, she’s a wise woman of the woods, no doubt. She also suggests tossing a powdery mix of dry ingredients like pepper, ground mustard seed, and wormwood into the air when the monster is nearby. This will cause a reaction like a sneeze or hiss, alerting us and shattering its silent stalking skills.”
“I’d marry Elspeth if I could,” Phil said, glancing at the roof. A thudding sort of jumping sound echoed down to us. Who knew cryptids had temper tantrums? Not me.
“Me too,” I concurred, ignoring the confused sound from Henry. Let him puzzle it out. “This all leads up to us maybe ending the monster somehow.” I looked right at Phil. He seemed nonplussed about taking it out. “I mean, maybe killing it.”
“I know. And I generally don’t like killing animals, but this thing…it’s not a wounded bear or something. Well, I mean, a fatally wounded bear…putting it down would be merciful. You know what I’m saying, right?”
“Do you not hunt for food anymore?” Henry chimed in.
I shook my head as I craned my neck to face him in the corner. “No, not really. We go to big stores that carry the food already in packages.”
“Hmm, no wonder there are so many womanly men in your time.”
“Sure, yep, that’s why.” I turned away. I wasn’t in the mood for archaic macho bullshit right now. “Anyway, I know what you’re saying, babe. This creature has killed before. It will kill us if it gets a chance. I guess we can compare it to a wild animal with rabies.”
“Yeah, okay, that’s reasonable. I don’t want it to kill or hurt anyone else who comes out here. So yeah, we end it if we can. What does Elspeth say to do to eradicate it?”
“Ritual fire circle. Draw the monster in with meat then set the circle on fire.” Phil gazed at me with shock for a moment and nodded just once.
“And the meat comes from where? We’re a long way from an ALDI.”
“We substitute raw meat for something living.”
I sat there waiting. Phil’s brow crinkled and rose to his hairline. “No.” It was a vehement reply. “No. No, no, no. You are not using yourself as bait. No!”
“Phil, there’s only two of us here and—”
“No. Archie. No.” He threw his hands out in a sweeping motion, his tone rising sharply. “I never push myself into things like this because you’re smarter and know things that I don’t. You have spirit sight. I don’t. And you’re clever and pretty and sweet. What you’re not is strong or fast. I am. And if anyone is going to have to maybe wrestle this bastardly thing, it’s going to be me.”
“Phil…”
“No, Arch. I’m not letting you do this. No. You’re the only Kee with the gift alive! Don’t you know how special that makes you?! I know! You’re a rare man. I’m not. I’m just some asshole who’s good at sports and talks too much. And what if something happened to you? Yeye would be devastated, and the Kee line would end. No more ancestors to carry on your gifts! My folks wouldn’t give one shit if this monster ate my guts.”
“Phil…”
“No, no, no. I’ll get into the ring of fire. I can jump higher, run faster, and hit harder. Me. I do it or we don’t do it at all.” He crossed his arms over his chest with a huff of finality I dared not argue with. Not that I wanted to argue. He was right. One hundred percent correct on all points. “Now, you can get mad. I’m down with that.”
“I’m not mad.” I took his stern face in my hands as rain pelted down and a very pissed-off cryptid threw a hissy fit on the roof. “I’m touched. I love you so much. And you are not to ever say that you’re not just as important as I am to those who love you.”
“Then I’m the bait?”
“You’re the bait.” Never in my life had I ever imagined saying that would be in any way romantic, but here we were. We kissed softly to seal the deal. “Time to get this plan in motion. Grab your mirrors and gird your loins. We’re going outside.”
Chapter Nine
The stroll to the kitchen cabin took some prep.
We divvied up our remaining water bottles, dumping some half-emptied ones together so we had two bottles to dribble our precious remaining stash of baijiu into. The plan was to sprinkle it over ourselves like Monique does water over Yeye’s dress shirts before she presses them. Then what was left would be used as a last resort splash in the face if the stink of alcohol didn’t keep the hidebehind at bay. Even if it did create a small perimeter that the cryptid didn’t cross, it had long arms, which meant it had reach. Lots of reach with really long claws. But we’d worry about that if and when we had to. With our bottles of repellent in one hand and a rearview mirror in the other, we sent Henry out to scan the immediate area. The rain was a slow, steady drizzle now. The spring storm vented its spleen but decided to hang around just because it could. I’d have preferred a sunny day, but we didn’t have time to wait for the weather to clear up. The beast would find a way in soon. It was just a matter of time before he tore into the roof or worked a board from a window. I’d rather we be ready.
