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“That’s thoughtful. You’re so sweet.” There’s a smile in her voice. “I’m glad you called. I’ve been wanting to hear you too.”
My heart pounds, and with each deep contraction comes a release that sends a surge of heat through me. We talk for a few minutes about nothing, her day, my day. Safe topics. Easy topics. Her voice settles me in a way I haven’t felt in weeks.
There’s an awkward pause, and Gwen says, “I really like talking to you. Sometimes it’s hard to find people who actually get it, you know?”
“I feel the same way. It’s exhausting pretending all the time.”
“Pretending?”
How do I explain?
“Like at St. Silas. I had to prove myself constantly. I had to be the best at everything, or I wasn’t worth anything. I had to be tough and never show weakness. It’s like that now too, but just in a different arena.”
“I know what you mean. You just want to drop the mask with someone, but you can’t because…what if they see what’s underneath and it’s not what they want?”
“It’s true. I keep parts of myself hidden to be who everyone expects,” I say.
Gwen is so understanding, and the conversation flows more easily than expected. She’s so comfortable talking honestly about things I haven’t shared with anyone. She’s remarkable in that way. There’s a connection between us, like we’ve known each other for years.
“I worry people might like the pretend me more than the real me,” I say, surprising myself with my own honesty.
“Cam, no. You’re perfect exactly as you are, and I don’t want you to wear a mask for me.” She’s so accepting, confident, comforting. It undoes me. Then she asks, “No one really sees you, do they, Cam?”
The question hits me like a fist to the chest. I sit up, clutching my phone. I don’t know what to say because the answer is no, no one sees me, except—
Except Lucien.
“Cam? You still there?”
“Yeah, sorry. You’re right. No one really sees me.”
“Except, maybe me?” she asks, and I sense she’s looking for confirmation.
“Yeah. You do.”
“I do,” she says, sounding satisfied.
Lucien sees me too, but no, I’m not going there. Lucien is dangerous and cruel, and the last person I should be thinking about when I’m trying to figure out my feelings for Gwen.
The silence grows, and then Gwen says randomly, “Tell me about your bedtime routine.”
I laugh. “My bedtime routine?”
“Yeah. I want to picture you. What side of the bed do you sleep on?”
“Uh, the left side. Closer to the door.”
“How do you sleep? Do you sleep on your stomach, side, or back?”
“Side, usually. Sometimes my stomach.” I’m smiling now. “Why do you want to know?”
“I like knowing things about you.” Her voice drops a little. “Do you touch yourself in bed or in the shower?”
The question catches me off guard. Heat floods my face.
“I— What?”
“Come on, Cameron.” She’s teasing now, being playful. “You can tell me.”
