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he doesn’t think psychology is a “real” major

wants me to switch to pre-med or business or something that’ll actually “make me successful”

aka make money

sorry that’s probably tmi lol

An uncomfortable recognition washes over me. I know that conversation. I’ve had that conversation.

no, I get it. my dad’s the same way

really?

yeah. he thinks I should be studying business or finance. something practical. he doesn’t give a shit what I actually want

god that’s so frustrating

like…do they not see us as actual people?

or are we just like…extensions of them. little versions they can control

I stare at that message for a long moment. Extensions of them. That’s exactly what it feels like. My father, Alistair Rhodes, has never once asked me what I want to do with my life. He’s simply told me what I will do, what’s expected, what’s acceptable for someone with our name.

that’s exactly it

it’s like nothing I do is ever good enough unless it fits into his plan

YES

and then they act like they’re doing it because they care

but it’s not care if they don’t actually see you, you know?

I don’t know why this is hitting me so hard. Maybe because I’ve never really said it aloud before. Never really admitted to anyone how much it fucking hurts to be invisible to your own father.

yeah. i know

sorry i didn’t mean to burden you with all of this

i just…idk. i feel like you get it

i do

and you’re not burdening me. it’s fine

thanks

so what do you actually want? like if your dad wasn’t in the picture

I stare at the question. My fingers hover over the keyboard.

What do I want?

I’ve spent so long pushing against what my father wants that I’m not sure I’ve ever stopped to figure out what I want instead. But even as I think it, another image flashes through my mind, intrusive and unwanted.

Lucien’s face bent toward me in the darkness, his silver eyes contemplating how much to take from me. His lips⁠—

No.