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It’s also empty.

I thought I’d have a girlfriend by now, especially now that I’m in my second year. It’s true that last year I wasn’t really looking for a girlfriend. I was more focused on my classes, but I went to parties, and I was reasonably social. I guess I figured girls would approach me and I’d somehow fall into a relationship. But that’s not what happened.

Still, I’m good-looking, not in the way Lucien is, with his handsome masculinity and carved features, but in a less intimidating way. I’m funny. I’m smart. I’m easy to get along with.

And yet, I’m still a virgin.

It’s humiliating.

At St. Silas, there wasn’t much opportunity. We were surrounded by guys. There were girls at St. Anne’s, sure, but dances were supervised, and events were chaperoned, except at the occasional party.

I remember walking into Graham Campbell’s party and finding Claire, who was vaguely but noticeably interested in me. She was in the living room, wearing a baby blue fuzzy sweater that made her look soft and approachable, and little pearl earrings. She turned and smiled at me.

“Cameron! Oh my God, I haven’t seen you in forever,” she said, placing a soft kiss on my cheek that elicited a comfortable anticipation in me.

“Hey, Claire,” I said, leaning into her. “How have you been?”

“Good, really good. I’ve missed seeing you. You weren’t at MacKenzie’s party.”

We talked about classes and mutual friends. She was drunk and loose and kept touching my arm lightly.

“Come dance with me,” she said, pulling me toward the speakers where someone was playing Charli xcx, and I let myself be pulled.

We moved to the music, and she wrapped her arm around my shoulders, pressed her hips against mine, and put her face against my neck, and it felt nice. She smelled like vanilla and alcohol, and I found myself relaxing into it, thinking maybe this is what it’s supposed to feel like.

Lucien materialized behind Claire, like he’d been waiting for his moment. He was grinning like an arrogant prick, that self-satisfied smirk that made me want to punch him. He pressed himself against Claire’s back and wrapped his arms around her torso. As he did, his hands brushed against my stomach. A spark ran through me like electricity.

Claire leaned back against his chest and looked up at him. Her expression changed. It became dreamy in a way it had never been when she was looking at me.

“Oh, Lucien, hello,” she said, her voice liquid.

“Hello, Claire,” he murmured, flirty and seductive.

He leaned down, running his nose against her neck, and whispered something in her ear. But he kept his eyes on me when he did it, like he wanted me to watch. Whatever he whispered made her laugh and press harder against him.

I felt something curdle inside me. This had been my moment, my chance, and he’d just walked in and stolen it like it was nothing. It was like she’d never been interested in me at all, like I’d imagined the whole thing. But there was no imagining his magnetic power. It was real, and I needed to get away from him, fast.

I backed away, turned around, and walked directly into Thom MacLeod.

He was standing with his twin George and Lachlan Greene, all of them huge and imposing in their rugby bodies. Thom jabbed my shoulder roughly.

“Oi, watch where ye’re going, ye little wanker,” he said, his Scottish accent thick and aggressive.

“Sorry, didn’t see you,” I said, trying to sidestep him.

“Didn’t see us?” George laughed, a harsh bark of a laugh. “There’s three of us, mate. How’d ye not see us?”

“Just wasn’t paying attention,” I said, making a move to leave, but Thom grabbed my arm.

“Were ye not?” he said, and his grin was nasty. “Looked like ye were paying plenty of attention to that wee thing ye were dancing with.”

“Claire’s not a thing,” I said, defensive. His fingers dug into my bicep.

“Naw, but she’s Lucien’s, isn’t she?” Thom’s eyes glinted with something cruel. “Or was she your girl and ye just let him take her? That why ye’re wandering around alone looking miserable?”

“She’s not my girl,” I said, pulling my arm free.

“Exactly,” Thom said, and his voice dropped to something more mocking. “That’s exactly why ye’re a virgin, Rhodes. Ye don’t have the spine to keep what’s yours. Ye just let better men take what they want.”